


Shot by the Gods

by rejectedusername



Series: Gods of LS [8]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M, Fake AH Crew, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-10-25 00:38:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10753080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rejectedusername/pseuds/rejectedusername
Summary: A series of One Shots, Ficlets, or Drabbles from my Gods of LS AU





	1. We All Scream for Ice Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff tries to make Ryan happier again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place directly after _"Till Death do us Part"_

Ryan had gotten back from telling his underworld council that he was working for the Fake AH Crew in Los Santos a few days ago. Within the time, he was gone and since he had gotten back, Gavin and Meg were still all over each other. Ryan was not happy with the constant reminder that he couldn’t have Gavin himself, but he still just wanted Gavin to be happy. He was willing to give up his happiness so Gavin could have his.

Geoff had noticed Ryan’s depression and was sick of the moping around. He walked to Jack’s room in the penthouse and knocked on the door. “Jack?” he called out.

Jack answered the door. “What do you need?”

“Ryan’s been depressed because of Gavin’s new girlfriend.”

“So he has. Even though he’s the one who let Gavin have her in the first place.”

“How do I make him not depressed?”

Jack thought about it for a moment. “Well, here’s an idea: since we all already know what would make him truly happy but know he can’t have it right now, maybe you could just take him out for ice cream,” she suggested.

“But how much happier would that make him, though?”

“It wouldn’t be a permanent solution, but it might cheer him up right now.”

Geoff sighed. “Right now is better than nothing I guess. Thanks,” he replied as he started to walk away. 

“No problem!” Jack called out as she shut her door.

As Geoff walked away to go find Ryan, he thought of a way to make going out for ice cream more like the style of the crew. Instead of really going out for ice cream, he and Ryan were going to rob an ice cream parlor. He quickly ran to his room and grabbed his own gun, then he went back to looking for Ryan.

He walked into the living room part of the penthouse to find Michael and Ryan sitting on the couch. “Hey Ryan,” Geoff started.

Ryan looked up at Geoff. “Yes?”

“God-”

“Yes?” he interrupted.

Geoff rolled his eyes. “You’re looking more depressed today.”

“That’s probably because Gavin and Meg are working on getting her settled in his apartment,” Michael answered for him, looking up from his video game.

“Oh.”

“Nah, but everything could be moving in Ryan’s favor because Meg said she couldn’t handle living with a cat. And we all know how Gavin loves cats.”

“See, maybe that’s good for you, Rye,” Geoff said, turning the focus back to Ryan.

Ryan sighed sadly. “No, not really. I can’t handle cats either.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a death thing.”

“Well, whatever it is,” Geoff paused to put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Come on Death, we’re gonna go rob a place.”

“Like a small-time robbery?”

“’Yeah.”

“I really don’t want to rob a gas station, Geoff. Not again.”

“No, that wasn’t the idea. But why don’t you want to rob a gas station?”

“The last time I robbed a gas station led to me having to tell you guys I’m really Vaga.”

“Oh yeah. But no, we’re gonna rob someplace different. Come on.” Ryan sighed and got up. “And go grab your mask and your gun.” 

Ryan rolled his eyes. He knew what you typically needed for a heist anyway. He walked to his room and grabbed his pistol. He walked back out into the living room and Geoff motioned him to follow him. He rolled his eyes again and followed Geoff. The two of them walked out the garage and hopped in one of the cars. Ryan didn’t know what to expect this time.

They both got into the car and Geoff turned the car on to start driving. “So, why are you taking me out for a robbery?” Ryan finally asked.

Geoff sighed. “Well, ever since you gave Gavin his stupid reaper girlfriend, you’ve been miserable.”

“It’s only been, like, a week though.”

“A week of a miserable death god.” Ryan rolled his eyes in response. “So, I thought it would be a good idea to take you out to a fun place so we could have a good time.”

“And a robbery is your idea of a fun time,” Ryan stated rather than asked.

“Exactly.”

After fifteen minutes, Geoff parked the car near an ice cream shop. “Geoff, what does this robbery have to do with ice cream?”

“You’ll see. Now, come on,” he instructed Ryan as he threw on his own mask.

Geoff opened the car door and exited the car. Ryan followed behind him, not sure what to make of the whole situation. The two of them entered the ice cream shop. A small group of teenagers and the employee working behind the counter stared at them.

“Can I help you two criminal cosplayers?” the employee asked, nonchalantly.

Geoff immediately pulled out his gun. “THIS IS A HOLD UP!” he yelled at the employee. Then he threw a sack to Ryan. “AND PUT ALL THE MONEY IN THE VAGABOND’S BAG!!”’ he commanded.

Ryan sighed and walked over to the employee, who had already started to pull money out of the register. He saw the employee working and he saw the group of teenagers scared and cowering. He knew he was sad, but robbing an ice cream shop wasn’t going to make him feel better. Ice cream shops were for getting ice cream, not robbing.

“And make me a chocolate ice cream cone,” he commanded the employee. The employee stopped grabbing the money and started to quickly make an ice cream cone.

“Vagabond, no. We don’t want ice cream, we want money,” Geoff scolded.

Ryan rolled his eyes underneath his mask. “Make that TWO ice cream cones. But make the second one vanilla,” he commanded, next. 

The employee handed Ryan both the ice cream cones. Geoff ran over to the employee, annoyed and held them at gunpoint to get them to finish unloading the register. Once she had finished taking out the money. Geoff ran out of the store and Ryan followed behind. They ran out to the car, got in, and quickly drove away.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!” Geoff scolded. 

Ryan placed both ice cream cones in one hand and pulled off his mask with his free hand. “Your ice cream’s gonna melt if you don’t take it.”

“We were supposed to be robbing the place!”

“Robbery only makes you feel better! Look, I know Gavin doesn’t like me like I like him, right now. And I just have to accept that. Actually, getting to enjoy ice cream would make me smile a little bit more. Maybe a dozen donuts would help more next time. I don’t know. Just take your ice cream and enjoy your money,” Ryan replied, annoyed.

Geoff rolled his eyes and took the vanilla ice cream cone. He hated to admit it, but ice cream really did make the moment a little better.


	2. God to Goddesss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan shows off one of his abilities as a god. Takes place after _"Till Death do us Part"_ and after this AU's version of the Jones Baby is born

Jack and Gavin were sitting on the couch in the living room of the penthouse. Meg had gone out for the day with Ryan. Ryan had said that the two of them were gonna go hang out with two other reapers that were also residing in Los Santos. Gavin hadn’t been concerned about any of that since Meg had said they were just having free play time in the city.

Jack had just turned on the TV to see if any news stations had picked up on any crew related criminal activities. Gavin raised an eyebrow out Jack. “I just want to see if we’re missing any crew related criminal activity.” The news started talking about deaths that had taken place at the park baseball field.

“Eh. Why’s it matter? We’re used to it already. Besides, Mariel is just a regular reaper, and I guess Tyler decided they should kill people at the basketball game today,” Gavin calmly explained.

Jack stared at him. “How do you know all of this?”

“Well, when you’re dating a reaper, it’s kinda hard _not_ to know these things,” he said with a shrug.

“But, I just remembered that you said that Ryan took her out. Does that bother you?”

“Nah. Ryan told her to stay on earth. And Meg told me that it was so the two of us could be together.”

“I don’t get his logic.”

“Me neither, but I’m not worried about that. I’m pretty sure they’re just, like, boss and employee.”

Suddenly, the front door opened and Ryan walked in. he peeled off his mask and he made his face paint disappear off of his face. He yawned slightly and walked over to the fridge in the kitchen.

“How was your little ‘death play’ time?” Jack asked.

“Death play was good. It was nice meeting up with Tyler and Mariel again,” he answered as he grabbed a diet coke out.

“’Where’s Meg?” Gavin asked.

“I dropped her off back at your apartment,” he answered as he took a sip. He walked over to the chair in the living room and sat down. “Besides, I didn’t think we need to get her anymore involved with the crew than she already is.”

“Fair enough.”

“Now, Ryan, I have a question,” Jack started to ask.

“About the activities that transpired today that the news hasn’t covered?”

“No, no. I noticed that when you first walked in, you had face paint on. But then it literally disappeared off of your face.”

“Yeah, I didn’t need it on anymore, so what was the point of keeping it on, you know.”

“But how did you do that?” the question was finally asked.

“In human terms, shapeshifting.”

Jack looked confused. “Shapeshifting?”

Ryan nodded. “Shapeshifting.”

“I don’t understand.”

“For all of time, gods have been able to change their physical appearance. Back in the beginning of time, we shifted just for the hell of it. When humans came around, we shifted to be able to accomplish goals that we had involving humans,” Ryan explained.

“So, what about the look we know you by?” Gavin asked.

Ryan chuckled. “Funny enough that’s actually my natural look, minus the outfit. The outfit came when I moved to Los Santos in the first place.”

“It’s how I was able to recognize him the day he finally admitted that he was Vaga,” Jack explained.

“How much can you shapeshift?” Gavin asked, curiously.

“Well,” Ryan started. Then his hair got shorter and turned dark blonde. “I can do subtle changes like this.”

“Uh huh,” Jack nodded.

“And I can do much more drastic shifts, like this.” Suddenly, his hair got much longer. He grew a feminine body shape and a pair of feminine breast to go along with it. He had turned into a woman.

Jack started cracking up. “Oh, my you! Finally, another mature woman! Because it doesn’t matter that Lindsay’s a mother now, she still doesn’t count!” she laughed.

“Finally, you’re not alone!” Ryan joked, joining in on the laughter.

“We can paint each other’s nails and talk about cute boys!”

“Baby Lucas Jones is adorable, right?”

Jack snorted. “That’s not what I meant and you know it!”

Jack and Ryan continued to laugh. Ryan looked over at Gavin and calmed down. “Gavin, what’s wrong?”

Gavin’s face was very red, he was blushing very hard. “It’s just, you look very pretty, Ryan,” he stuttered out.

“Thank you.”

“Maybe, you could, like, stay like that more,” he suggested with that stutter.

Ryan sighed. “Gavin, no. If you’re going to enjoy looking at me, you’re going to have to look at me in my natural form,” he said as he shifted back to his natural form.

“No, you’re right. Besides, you’re very handsome anyway.” Gavin continued to blush. Then he scrambled to his feet. “I’m gonna go to my room now,” he said as he quickly ran away to his room.

Jack looked up at Ryan and smiled. “Well, that’s a good sign.”

“Eh,” Ryan said with a shrug.

“You made him have to leave to go take care of _something_ ,” Jack wiggled her eyebrows.

“No, female me did. This is just stupid. Just like Meg’s plan.”

“Meg has a plan?”

“Yes. Meg’s plan is to figure out how to get Gavin to like me back. Which doesn’t make sense to me. She loves Gavin and Gavin loves her. I made it her mission to date Gavin, since I doubt I’ll ever be able to date him myself.”

Jack shrugged. “You know, we always used to think you were the one with the death fetish. But maybe, Gavin is actually the one with a death fetish.

Ryan just sighed in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a one shot planned that shows what Ryan and Meg were doing with Mariel and Tyler. I'll post it eventually.


	3. Feel the Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff decides to go on sabbatical, and crew leadership shuffles to a unheard-of member of B-Team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_ (coming in August) and after another fic coming afterwards.

Geoff was sitting in his room drinking. He had had a lot to deal with. They had worked out crew territory with Fakehaus to free Gavin and Ryan. And Gavin and Ryan had finally gotten together, which was great for everyone. But still, it was all a lot to deal with.

Geoff took a swig of his drink when Jack came into the room. “Geoff, what are you doing in here?”

“You ever notice that all the new smaller crews have been putting Fake in their name too?” he asked.

“Geoff-”

“Fakehaus, Fakeattack, Fakechop, Kinda Fake…”

“Geoff, maybe you need a vacation. Like a sabbatical or something,” she suggested. Geoff shook his head in response. “Maybe you could try to hook up with that Amazonian hitwoman you like.”

Geoff continued to shake his head. “As much as I want to get with Griffon, there’s no time with all I have to take care of right now.” He got up. “I should go check on the crew,” he said as he left the room. Jack rolled her eyes and followed him out.

The two of them walked into the living room to see Gavin cuddling Ryan on the couch. “So, you have a daughter then?” Gavin asked.

“Technically, that is correct,” Ryan answered.

“So, does that make Meg her stepmom, and me her stepdad?” 

Ryan shook his head. “No…”

“Why not?”

“I may be her biological father, but I’ll never be her dad.”

Geoff’s eyes widened. Her turned back to Jack and said, “On second thought, maybe I do need that sabbatical.”

Jack nodded. “I know I thought this was a good idea, but now I wonder what’s going to happen to the crew. Are you going to disband it?” 

“No, no. I make someone else be the leader.”

“Well, who do you have in mind? I personally don’t think I would make a good one. I may be some of the brains of the operation, but I really don’t think it would be wise considering the fact that I’m not the best leader,” Jack rambled.

Geoff thought about it for a minute. “I think I have an idea.”

Geoff wanted to immediately tell his crew about the fact that he was going on sabbatical, but Jack told him he should appoint his new crew leader first. He sighed and agreed. He walked over to the B-Team room. He saw the guys on B-Team that he never bothered to learn the names of sitting at computers, the Jones baby sleeping in his crib in the corner, and Lindsay sitting at her desk.

“Lindsay,” Geoff called out to get her attention.

Lindsay looked up. “Yes?”

Geoff sighed. “Everything that’s happened lately has been a lot for me.”

“That’s true, a lot has happened.” 

“So, I decided, I’m gonna go on a sabbatical for a while.”

“Alright, you could use the rest. But who’s gonna lead the crew? Jack, right?”

Geoff shook his head. “Jack said she wasn’t a very good one, so she’s not gonna lead.”

“Ok, did you decide on someone else?”

“Yeah, you.”

Lindsay’s eyes widened in surprise. “Me?”

“Yeah, you.” 

“Why?”

“You’re the leader of my B-Team, So, I think you could do a very good job of leading the A-Team. Plus, Michael knows you’d have his balls if he didn’t listen to you.”

“Is Michael, like, B.A. from A-Team?” one of the guys in the room asked.

“Larry…” Lindsay warned.

“But, yeah, I think I’m gonna go lie down now,” Geoff said as he started to leave the room.

“I won’t let you down,” she said as she saluted him. He saluted her back and left the room.

“So, what’s on the new crew agenda first?” another man, Trevor, asked.

Lindsay thought for a second. “Well, a heist would be a good way to get the party started.” 

Suddenly, the baby woke up. He sat up and started to whimper loudly. “Uh oh. I think Lucas is upset,” the last guy in the room, Matt, acknowledged. 

“Lukey, no.” Lindsay scrambled over to the crib. She lifted him up to smell him. “Well, he’s not stinky. He must be hungry. You’re gonna eat us out of a penthouse.” 

“So, are you gonna get him food?” Trevor asked.

“I’m gonna go get it from Michael and I’s room.” She started walked to the door with Lucas in her arms. Then she paused for a second. “And I want you to come with me, Trevor.”

Trevor nodded as followed her out of the room. “Michael might kill me for stepping foot in his room,” he started. “What’s going on? Why’d you need me to come with you?” he asked.

“Look, I’m not sure I can be a new mom and lead a crew at the same time,” she replied.

“Michael seems to be able to balance being crew demo-man and being a new dad,” he commented in response.

Lindsay rolled her eyes and smiled. “Not the same as being a mom. But I wanted you to come with me because I think you should lead the crew instead,” she finally answered.

“What?” he asked in shock. “They don’t even know who I am. What if something happens and that life secret I have get revealed? They’d think I’m a freak and they’d shun me forever. They’d never listen to anything I’d say. And-”

“Trevor, it will be fine. They’ll accept you, whatever your secret is. I can help you plan your first heist with the crew. And I can help you help you call together your first crew meeting. Everything will be ok.” 

“Are you sure?” he asked nervously.

“Yeah. We can call this meeting after I feed Luke, here.”

They made it back to Lindsay and Michael’s room and fed Lucas. When they were done, they put him down in the crew in the bedroom and walked out into the living room. Jack had joined Ryan and Gavin on the couch. Jeremy had taken a reclining chair on one side of the room, and Michael was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch. 

Lindsay coughed loudly and Jack looked up. “Ah, I see Geoff appointed you, Lindsay.”

“That he did. But after considering parent related circumstances, I realized that I can’t be the new leader of the crew,” Lindsay replied.

“Hey, I said I’d take parental responsibility like I need to. You just need to text me when he’s hungry, and I’ll come feed him,” Michael argued in response.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “When he’s hungry, he needs to be fed right then. But anyway, I chose someone else to be your crew leader.” The rest of the crew waited eagerly in anticipation, expecting her to say one of their names.

“Hello,”’ Trevor started. Then he coughed to get everyone’s attention on him. “My name is Trevor Collins, and Lindsay wants me to be the new leader of the crew.”

The crew stared at him for a second, then they burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious,” Ryan snickered.

“This is too stupid to be true,” Jeremy howled in laughter.

“Lindsay?” Trevor said quietly.

“Nope. Treyco’s your new leader. And you all have to live with it.” 

“Lindsay said she’d help me plan out my first heist with you guys,” Trevor announced, trying to gain the crew’s trust. 

“Nah,” Gavin responded.

“I’m sorry?”

“We were gonna rob some people at Eclipse Towers,” Michael answered. 

“Uh…” Trevor started, confused.

“No, this could work. Doing a heist on their terms would get them to like you better,” Lindsay replied to reassure him.

“Alright then. Michael and Ryan will be mainly in charge of holding the lobby violence. Gavin’s got security. Jack will find a getaway vehicle. And Trevor, since you’re gonna be the new ’crew leader’, you’ll be with me taking care of robbing people on the outside,” Jeremy explained the plan.

“Alright. Are we gonna do this now, or?” Trevor asked.

“Eager, aren’t we?” Ryan joked.

“Come on then, grab your stuff and let’s go,” Jeremy announced. Everyone went back to their rooms to grab their stuff. Before he ran back to his room, Jeremy put his hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “I hope you’re okay with guns,” he finished as he ran away. 

“Eh, I’ve shot a gun once before,” Trevor shrugged as he ran to get his gun. 

The crew attack took the building by surprise. Jeremy grabbed a person’s neck. “Hands up, everyone! This is a holdup!” he shouted as he grabbed the man’s wallet with his other hand. 

Michael and Ryan intimidated most of the people in the lobby, but one woman ran over to the lobby light switch. “CAN’T SEE IN THE DARK,” she yelled as she turned off the light switch.

Ryan ran over to her and stabbed her in the leg. “Actually, I can see in the dark.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Vagabond, you can, but the rest of us can’t!”

Trevor sighed and snapped his fingers, and the lights flickered back on. “SON OF A BITCH I JUST SHUT IT OFF!!!!” she yelled in agony.

Jeremy finished stealing the money off everyone in the lobby. “Come on Trevor, let’s go.”

“But what about Mic-Mogar and Vagabond?” Trevor asked, slightly confused.

Jeremy sighed. “Mogar’s just gonna help Vagabond work on his, uh, corpse fetish.”

Trevor nodded and followed Jeremy out. They ran to find Jack, still searching for a getaway vehicle. “We should have planned this more, I forgot to pick out a good one.”

“I’m sorry! This was my first time, I should have been more patient!” Trevor said quickly.

“We know, and we’re not mad.” Jeremy consoled. Suddenly the police showed up and started to surround the three of them before some started to enter the building. “Gavin…” Jeremy stated angrily into his com. 

“I forgot to make the tower a cell dead zone,” Gavin replied, in defense.

“FREEZE!” one of the cops yelled.

“Shit…” Jack started as she and Jeremy raised their guns.

Trevor put his hand up and walked in front. “Please, we don’t want any more trouble.”

“Well, you should have thought of that before you started robbing the place!” The cop argued back and she pulled out her taser and shot it at Trevor. It hooked onto him and she turned it on.

Trevor’s eyes glistened, but he just stood there as if nothing was happening. “Aww. Tasers put holes in shirts and I liked this shirt,” he said sadly.

“How are you still standing?” the cop asked confused.

Trevor rolled his eyes and sent the electric wave right back through the taser. The wave electrocuted the police officer and she dropped. Then he grabbed the toy hammer keychain he had in his pocket, and used it to send another giant wave, electrocuting the rest of the cops.

“What the fuck?” Jack asked.

“Jeremy, you get back in there and help Ryan with his corpse fetish. Jack, we can use one of the abandoned cop cars as a getaway vehicle,” Trevor instructed.

Jeremy nodded and went back into the tower. Jack, still in shock, slapped herself. “Won’t it be weird to drive a cop car back to penthouse?” she asked, still trying to calm herself.

Trevor shrugged. “We could call it a trophy,” he suggested. 

Jack sighed and got the car ready to go. Jeremy, Michael, and Ryan came running out with their loot and Trevor motioned for them to join Jack and him in the car. The shrugged and hopped in. Michael asked Ryan is he turned the lights back on after he had stabbed the girl and he admitted that he didn’t and he has no idea how the lights got back on. 

Finally, Jeremy opened his mouth. “How the hell did you do that, Trevor?” he asked.

“Do what?” Trevor questioned.

“That cop tazed you, but you stood there like nothing had happened. Then you sent the taser shock right back. How?!” 

“Yeah, I was wondering the same thing,” Jack added.

“Wait, Treyco got tazed?” Michael asked.

“Maybe he’s tougher than we thought,” Gavin said over the com.

Trevor sighed. “If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t believe me.” 

“If we can handle Ryan’s truth-” Jeremy started.

“Hey!” Ryan interrupted.

“Then we can handle anything,” he finished.

“Fine.” Trevor sighed again. “I’m actually the demigod son of the god of thunder and lightning,” he admitted. The crew immediately started laughing. “See, the truth is too stupid to believe.”

Michael calmed down. “No, no, we believe you. Cause we’re all literally demigods. I’m the son of the god of fire.”

“Demigoddess of wisdom,” Jack explained next

“God of speed’s my dad,” Jeremy admitted.

“I’m not actually a demigod because I’m Vaga, the god of death,” Ryan explained.

“What are you all on about?” Gavin asked.

“Trevor’s the demigod of thunder, so we’re telling him what demigods we are,” Jack replied.

“Oh. Well I’m not a demigod. But I am this generation’s reincarnation of Midas.” 

“So, you all fit in with mythology too,” Trevor said, relieved.

Jack smiled. “And we learned that you’ll fit in with the big guys,” she reassured him as she continued to drive back to the penthouse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had been talking to someone and they convinced me to put Treyco in my GTA AU, so I planned this out. Then other people started looking forward to this, so I was like, fuck it, and wrote it. You'll hear more about some of these things in _Causing Chaos_


	4. How to Human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray tries to prove he's not scared of the Vagabond by taking him out to lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place before _Till Death do us Part_ and after _Death from Below_ (Ryan's crew origin story coming in July)

Geoff, Jack, Michael, Gavin, and Ray were sitting at the kitchen table in the kitchen of the penthouse. They had just gotten a new member of the crew, the Vagabond. He was a bit of a creepy fellow that didn’t know how to talk to the crew, for the most part. Gavin was the only one who had calmly talked to him with ease before, but the rest of the crew was still uneasy around him.

“I’m not sure how I feel about this new guy,” Michael started.

Geoff sighed. “Look, he’s a good killer, alright?”

“He’s got this weird fascination with the bodies of everyone we kill,” Jack noted.

“Maybe he’s like, a serial killer with a corpse fetish or something,” Ray suggested, jokingly.

“Nah,” Gavin brushed all of them off.

“What do you mean ‘Nah’?” Michael asked.

Gavin shrugged. “I think Ryan is just a tad socially awkward. But, really, he’s a nice guy if you get to know him.”

The crew stared at him, confused. “Who the fuck is Ryan?” Geoff asked.

“Oh, Ryan is the Vagabond’s name.”

“I thought his name was just ‘Vagabond’,” Michael thought out loud.

“It’s nice that you learned his name, Gavin. But we still don’t know much about him besides the fact that he’s a skilled killer,” Jack replied.

“With a so called corpse fetish, apparently,” Geoff added.

Gavin nodded and shrugged again. “Maybe we just don’t know him well enough.”

Ray stood up. “Well, I ain’t afraid of no ghost with a corpse fetish or whatever the hell he is. We’re demigods for fucks sake.”

“Well what do you plan on doing then?” Michael asked.

“I’m feeling like a burrito so I’m gonna take the guy out with me for lunch or something,” he answered as he started to walk away.

“Don’t die!” Michael called out after him. 

“Didn’t Jack tell us about demigod immortality or something?” he said to himself. He walked down the hall until he reached the bedroom set aside for Ryan. He started banging on the door. “YO, VAGABOND, OR RYAN OR WHATEVER. I’M GOING OUT TO LUNCH AND YOU’RE COMING WITH ME!” he called. Ryan opened the door, still wearing his skull mask. “Jesus, do you ever take that thing off?”

Ryan turned his head to the side, confused. “You’re not Gavin,” he pointed out.

“What gives it away? The fact that I don’t have his big stupid nose?”

“No, I’m just surprised someone besides Gavin is talking to me and Geoff’s not here to give me orders.”

Ray shook his head. “Nah, we’re going out for lunch. Come on,” he said as he motioned for him to follow.

Ryan sighed sadly. “Oh, um,” Ryan gulped. “I’m not actually hungry.”

Ray rolled his eyes. “Well, I am so let’s go,” he demanded. Ryan nodded and followed. Ryan had kept his mask on. “Do you ever take that thing off?”

“Only when I feel comfortable in my surroundings.”

“Are you not comfortable with the crew yet or something?”

Ryan sighed. “I don’t want to crew to know who I really am.”

Ray rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re in a crew full of demigods. I’m not sure who you think you are, but we’re demigods so I don’t think we’ll care.” Ryan just sighed. They got to a Mexican place and walked up to the counter. “‘Sup guys. I’ll have my usual. And my skull buddy here will have a…” Ray waited for Ryan to order.

“What?” Ryan asked

“Dude, you gotta eat something.”

“But I told you I wasn’t hungry.” 

“Just try.”

“Ok, I’ll have a small taco with whatever is supposed to come on it.”

The cashier nodded and said there total. “See, there you go,” Ray said as he held out his fist for a fist bump. Ryan put his hand underneath Ray’s fist. “Dude, what are you doing?” 

“I’m holding out my hand so you can drop the money you’re going to pay with into it.”

Ray rolled his eyes again. “No, it was a fist bump,” he explained as he pulled out his card to actually pay and handed it to, the cashier.

“What’s a fist bump?” Ryan asked.

“Wait, do you seriously not know what one is?” he asked, shocked, as he took his card back and started to walk to a table to wait for their food.

“I’ve never heard of a fist bump before. What is it?” Ryan asked as he joined Ray at the table.

“It’s when two people bump their fists together.”

“’Oh, ok.”

“Jesus, how do you not know these things? It’s like basic human interaction.” 

“It’s uh, been a very long time since I’ve interacted with, uh, _other_ humans.”

“Like, how long are we talking here?”

Ryan sighed, trying to think about making sure he doesn’t reveal too much about himself. “Honestly, it feels like it’s been thousands of years.”

Ray rolled his eyes. “There’s no way it actually could have been that long.”

Ryan snorted. “’You have no idea.”

Ray snorted as well. “You are so weird.”

“Eh.”

“Well, anyway, let’s try a fist bump,” Ray said as he held up his fist. Ryan formed his hand into a fist. “Go on,” Ryan nodded and slammed his fist into Ray’s very hard. “OW!” he yelled.

“What’d I do?”

“THAT WAS WAY TOO HARD!” he complained, loudly.

“I thought it was like punching. Are you not supposed to go that hard?” Ryan asked confused.

“No, it’s like a light tap!”

“Well, when I saw a fist, I assumed punching.” 

Ray sighed. “Not all fists are for punching, dude.”

Ryan nodded. “Well alright, what else can fists be for besides punching?”

“Jesus, you live under a rock.”

“I live under a lot of things,” Ryan admitted.

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“And it’s better that you don’t.”

Ray rolled his eyes yet again. “Well, I can’t remember what else a fist can mean, I think it has something to do with power. I’d probably be able to remember more after we eat out lunch.” As if on cue, their lunch arrived at their table. “Finally, I’m starved,” he announced as he took a bite into his burrito. Ryan lifted his mask just enough so that he could take a bite of his taco. “Seriously, you’re not even gonna take off your mask to eat? And was that face paint?”

“Well, I want to keep my identity as hidden as possible.”

Ray rolled his eyes one last time. “Gods, you are so weird,” he finished as he took another bite.


	5. The Jacket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin loses his Jacket, so he steal's Ryan's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Till Death do us Part_ but before this AU's Jones baby is born.

Michael and Gavin were working on blowing up a crew enemy’s territory. They had tracked down one of their safe houses, and decided that their enemy didn’t need it anymore. Michael had made the explosives and programed how they could set them off from afar, but since Gavin loved fire, he wanted to be the one to put the explosives out.

Michael let him go up to the house and lay them out. “Put some of the TNT over there,” he called out.

“Got it!” Gavin called back. Then he wiped his brow. “Gods, it’s hotter out here than I thought,” he said to himself. 

He finished following Michael’s instructions. “Come back as soon as you’re done!” Michael instructed. Gavin nodded and ran back. As soon as he got back, he started jumping up and down with excitement. “Do you want to set everything off?”

“I was just about to ask you if I could do that,” Gavin replied as he nodded, excitedly. Michael handed him the button and he happily pressed it.

The explosion went off and Michael and Gavin looked on happily. “I think Geoff will like this,” Michael said.

“You think you’ll still be able to do this after the baby is born?”

Michael shrugged. “It _is_ part of my job.”

Gavin nodded. “Ready to go back?” 

“Yep.” Michael nodded back. They piled back into car and drove back to the penthouse. They got back and noticed that it was very cold in the living room. 

They saw Geoff playing Halo in the couch. “So, what were you two up to this morning?” he asked.

“Blowing shit up. Gotta keep those new Fakehaus guys on their toes,” Michael explained.

“It is cold in here,” Gavin noted as he shivered.

“Air conditioning comes with summer heat,” Geoff explained.

“Well if you’re so cold why don’t you just go grab your jacket or something?” Michael suggested.

“Alright. I think I was wearing it earlier,” Gavin replied. 

“Well if you left it in the car, then just go down and grab it.”

Gavin started to go, then he remembered that he took it off and left it when he was setting up the explosives. “Crud.” He had lost it in the explosion.

“What?”

“I left it where I set up the explosives on accident.”

Michael and Geoff sighed. “You idiot,” Geoff replied.

“I go back to my room and find a sweatshirt or something,” Gavin told to two of them as he started to head back to his room. On his way, he passed Ryan’s room. Ryan’s door was wide open and his jacket was hanging on the chair. He looked inside the room to see if Ryan was there. There was no sign of him. “Well, I bet he won’t mind,” he said as he quietly went in to grab the jacket. He put it on and went back out to the living room. “Do any of you guys know where Ryan went?” he asked.

“He went out to do some underworld,” Geoff paused to look up and see that Gavin was wearing Ryan’s jacket. “Gavin, no.” 

“What?”

Michael looked up as well. “What the hell are you thinking?!” he exclaimed.

“Well,” Gavin started. “I was walking back, and saw Ryan wasn’t in his room but his jacket was. And Ryan likes me enough, so I figured he wouldn’t mind.” 

“Dude, he’s gonna snap if you don’t stop teasing him,” Geoff sighed.

“What are you on about?”

“Ryan’s had a serious crush on you for a long time,” Michael tried to explain.

Gavin rolled his eyes. “That’s a load of rubbish.”

“Gavin,” Geoff tried to start. 

“He gave me the privilege of being allowed to date my girlfriend. Why would someone who has a crush on me make it so I can date someone else?”

“Look I don’t understand his logic, but I promise you that he has a huge crush on you.”

Gavin sighed. “Whatever. I don’t want to take this off, though. It’s really warm and cozy.” 

“Are you really that cold?” Michael asked, curiously.

“Considering the fact that you guys turn the penthouse into a freezer, yeah.”

“Hey, it’s summer and Lindsay’s been having hot flashes. This kid is coming soon, so maybe the hot flashes will go away when he finally comes,” Michael argued.

Gavin rolled his eyes and hopped down on the couch. Geoff continued to play his game and Michael started to read a parenthood article on his phone. 

Meanwhile Ryan teleported from the underworld, back into his room. He shivered. “Damn, it is colder in here than it is back home,” he said to himself. He went to grab for his jacket that was supposed to be hanging on his chair, but it wasn’t there. “Odd.” Then he started searching more around his room to look for it, but he still couldn’t find it. He knew he could just summon a new jacket to put on, but he was still curious as to where he put his original. 

He started to think about checking penthouse common rooms, and exited his room. “Guys, have you seen my…?” he asked as he walked out into the living room. “Oh,” he finished, after he noticed that Gavin was wearing his jacket.

“How did you get back into the penthouse?” Geoff asked.

“I can teleport, remember.” 

“Right. I’m still not used to the fact that you’re a god.”

“It’s fine.” He turned to Gavin. “And I guess _that’s_ where my jacket went.”

“Bollocks,” Gavin said as he got up and started to shed the jacket. “I had a jacket, but I lost it when I was blowing up stuff with Michael. And I was walking back to my room to grab a new one, but yours was right there.” 

“It’s okay, I’m not mad,” Ryan interrupted. 

Gavin finished taking off the jacket. “But you probably want this back,” he said, handing it back to Ryan.

Ryan started to blush. “No, no. You can keep it if you’re cold.”

“Nonsense. I can grab a sweatshirt from my room, or apartment, or go buy a new one,” Gavin replied as he dropped the jacket into Ryan’s hands and shuffled away, back to his room.

Geoff sighed. “And you were so close to getting your girl to wear your jacket. So sad,” he joked.

Ryan sighed, next. “We all know he’s not mine.” Then he had a thought and looked back up. “But I do have an idea.”

The rest of the day went by and Gavin stuck to a sweatshirt. Everyone went to bed at the end of it. The next morning, Gavin woke up and sat up in his bed. He noticed a jacket hanging off of his chair. “Huh?” he asked himself. He scrambled out of bed to inspect what had been left there and sure enough, it was Ryan’s jacket. “What the?” he picked of the jacket and saw a note fall off of it. He picked up the note and started to read.

_Gavin._

_I’m sorry that you lost your jacket. It’s really okay that you were wearing mine yesterday. You didn’t have to give it back to me, so I want you to keep it. Besides, I have plenty more. Also, it looked pretty cute on you._

_Ryan._

Gavin smiled and rolled his eyes. “Gods, you’re a lovely lunatic.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Iris Elise Jones. Now I gotta come up with an one shot idea that tells the story of how this AU's Jones baby was born.


	6. Cheating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy thinks he catches Ryan cheating on Gavin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_ (coming in August)

It was about eight o’clock in the morning. Jack was making breakfast for the crew. Jeremy and Michael were sitting at the kitchen table. Lucas Jones was sitting in a highchair next to Michael. Jack was cooking eggs and bacon. The kitchen was smelling good and everything was peaceful. 

“Gods, that bacon smells good,” Michael said with a happy smile. 

Jeremy looked up from the table. “Is Lindsay coming for breakfast?” he asked.

Michael shook his head. “I’m letting her sleep in this morning. Besides, I’m Luke’s dad too. So, I figured I’d feed him breakfast.” He turned to his son. “Isn’t that right, little boi?” he asked. Lucas cooed in response.

Jeremy smiled at the family affection. “And I’ll be done making breakfast for everyone in a sec,” Jack added. 

Geoff stumbled into the room, groggily. “Morning guys,” he greeted everyone.

“Morning," everyone replied in response. 

Geoff sat down. “Where is everyone else?”

“Well, I told Lindsay to sleep,” Michael started.

“I honestly don’t know where Gavin is,” Jeremy answered.

“He’s probably doing some extravagant thing to display his love for Ryan, now that they’re finally dating,” Geoff replied as he rolled his eyes.

“And I think Ryan is sleeping,” Jack answered, last.

“I didn’t know gods could sleep,” Michael replied.

“I’m not sure how that works either, really.”

“Maybe he was sleeping with Gavin,” Jeremy joked with a cheeky grin.

“I’d serve everyone breakfast if he and Gavin get here, already.”

Geoff sighed. “I’ve also got an assignment for Ryan.”

“It’s been a while since you’ve had one of those," Jack replied, with her interest peaked.

“Yeah, so there’s this new guy infringing on our territory,” Geoff started.

“Like Fakehaus was?” Jeremy asked.

“Sort of. But we made good with that. This new guy has been messing with them too. And all the other kinds of types of fakes in city. Like he wants to beat everyone down.”

“That’s a bit fishy. You sure it’s not the LSPD?” Michael asked next.

“This guy and his lackeys where farm animal masks. But I think this guy wears a cow mask and goes by Edgar,” he explained.

Jack turned her head in confusion. “Isn’t Ed-Gar the name of Ryan’s three headed cow?” she asked.

“I think so. That’s why we need to figure out how to capture this guy and have Ryan torture him.”

“Ah yes. It’s been a while since Ryan’s tortured someone,” she mused.

Geoff nodded. “And we can’t let the god go soft now that he’s got the guy he’s been crushing on for forever.”

“Makes sense,” Michael replied.

“Now if only he would get up,” he added, annoyed.

“I can go get him up if you want,” Jeremy offered.

Jack shook her head. “You’re not afraid?”

“Look, he’s a member of the crew, just like I am. And now that I kinda know him, I’m not afraid of him. So, I don’t mind going to go get him. It’s not really that big of a deal,” he replied as he stood up. 

“I wish you luck then,” Geoff responded.

Jeremy got up and walked out of the kitchen. He was determined to do something this simple for the crew. He was part of the main six as their full-time sniper, and occasional muscle and brawler. He had been with the main six for more than two years, but sometimes he needed to prove to himself that he was a serious member.

Once Jeremy got to Ryan’s room, he slammed the door open. “UP AN AT 'EM, RYAN. GEOFF’S GOTTA TALK TO YOU!” he shouted.

“GAAAAAaaaaah!” Ryan’s voice got progressively quieter as he sat up in surprise. Then he turned to Jeremy. “Please be quiet," he pleaded.

“Why? It’s not like you need sleep.” 

“I may not need sleep, but others in the room do.” 

“What exactly are you,” Jeremy stopped as a girl, Gavin’s ex-girlfriend, Meg, slowly sat up. “MEG?!”

Meg nodded. “Jeremy, is it? Could you please be quiet? Some of us are trying to sleep.”

“I just.” He ran out of the room. “GUYS! GUYS!” he shouted down the hall and back into the kitchen. 

“What is it?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, what is so godsdamn big of a deal that you need to yell to get our attention?” Geoff asked, annoyed.

“Guys,” Jeremy said slowly as he finally reached the table. “Ryan’s cheating on Gavin," he answered, out of breath. 

“Psssshhh. Yeah, right,” Michael waved it away as if it were nonsense.

“No, I’m serious!”

“I highly doubt that. Ryan’s had a crush on him for way too long to want to cheat on him,” Geoff reasoned.

Jeremy shook his head. “No, no. I swear I saw him in bed with someone else!”

“Did this other person look kinda like Gavin?” Michael asked.

“Why would you ask that?” Jack asked Michael.

“I don’t know. Ryan’s a weird guy who’s got to be into some weird shit. Besides, I talked with Gavin once and he said it would be cool if he could have sex with himself so he could figure out how good he was.”

“HE WAS IN BED WITH MEG!!!!” Jeremy finally yelled.

“So, you’re saying that Ryan had sex with Gavin’s ex?” Geoff asked, trying to wrap his head around that idea. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!”

“That sounds too asinine to be true.”

“Then come on, I’ll show you,” Jeremy replied as he motioned for Geoff to follow him. Geoff sighed and got up to follow him. 

The two of them got to Ryan’s room, and Jeremy cracked the door open. They could see Ryan laying in his bed. “You don’t think the yelling woke ‘im up?” Ryan asked quietly in his room.

Meg sat up and pulled her hair back. “You still hear the snoring, don’t you?” she quietly replied.

“That son of a bitch!” Geoff said to himself. “Jeremy, go back to the crew. I have business to take care of.” Jeremy nodded and went back to the kitchen. Geoff slammed the door open. “YOU LISTEN HERE! THE WHOLE DAMN CREW DEALT WITH YOUR CRUSH DRAMA FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME WE’VE KNOWN YOU. AND NOW YOU GO AND CHEAT ON GAVIN?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST USE HIM CAUSE YOU’RE A GOD?!” Geoff yelled angrily as he stormed in the room.

Ryan sat up. “Geoff, no,” Ryan quietly attempted to plead.

“There is no excuse for how sick of a bastard you are!”

“Wot the bloody toss is going on?” a distinctly British voice asked.

“Great, now you’ve woken him up,” Ryan sighed, annoyed.

“What the?”

Gavin sat up, groggily. “What are you yelling about?”

“Wait, but I thought Ryan was cheating on you,” Geoff replied.

“I wasn’t.” Ryan rolled his eyes.

“And I thought you broke up with Meg so you could date Ryan.”

“We never broke up,” Meg replied.

“Then what the hell is all this?”

“All three of us are dating,” Gavin answered as he yawned.

“What the?”

“It’s called polyamory, Geoff,” Ryan added.

“Well, shit.”

“Did you have something else you needed?” Meg asked this time.

“Something about a job or something?” Ryan asked as well.

“I,” Geoff paused and sighed. “We can talk about the job later. Not I gotta go make sure the crew doesn’t call you a cheater and attack you when you come out of your room next.”

“Very well,” Ryan said, laying back down. Geoff nodded and left the room.

“I don’t wanna get up yet,” Gavin replied, also laying back down. 

“Then, you don’t have to.” 

Meg rolled her eyes. “Men are so lazy," she joked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Thursday, I'm gonna start the prequel to _Creatures of the Day_ , _I'm Gonna Make This Place Your Home_
> 
> [btw totally commissioned a drawling of this chapter](http://fahc-dicks.tumblr.com/post/170911992847/cute-little-commission-for)


	7. A Cold One With the Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan admits he likes something and discovers he likes something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comes before _Till Death do us Part_ and directly after _How to Human_

Geoff and Jack sat at the kitchen table after Ray had taken the Vagabond out for lunch later that day. Gavin was already getting “buddy/buddy” with the Vagabond. Geoff only figured that Michael would be next. Jack may not be on good terms with him yet, but she wasn’t really afraid of him. Geoff needed to do something about his unease.

Geoff sighed. “Everyone’s sucking the Vagabond’s dick,” he complained.

“Michael’s not,” Jack argued, back.

“No, he went back to his apartment to bang Lindsay or something.”

“So, is the fact that everyone’s trying to be friendly with Ryan bothering you?”

“Ryan?”

“Gavin told us that that was the Vagabond’s real name.”

“You know,” then he paused. “I refuse to believe his name is as normal as Ryan.”

“Whether or not you believe Ryan is his name or not, you still haven’t answered my question.”

Geoff sighed again. “I don’t like that everyone’s getting friendly with him before me. I mean, I’m the leader of the crew for gods’ sake.”

“Well, why don’t you do something about it,” she suggested.

Geoff thought about it for a second. “Why don’t I take him out, to night. To a bar.” Then he paused, “and maybe, you could come with me as backup support.”

“You’re nervous.”

“Pppppsssssshhhhh, no!”

Ray and Ryan walked in the front door, catching Geoff and Jack’s attention. “Dude, you are hella weird. It’s like you don’t know basic street human interaction.” Ray complained as he walked in.

“I apologize.” Ryan offered in response.

“Whatever. I’m going back to my room. I gotta date with an Xbox.” Ray said as he started to walk back to his room.

Ryan also began to walk back to his room. “VAGABOND, WAIT,” Geoff called.

Ryan stopped. “Yes?”

“Come here.” Ryan walked over to the table. “You’re getting real friendly with the rest of the crew,”

“I don’t know if he’s interacting much with B-Team.” Jack interrupted.

“I’ve talked with Lindsay. The princess seems very nice. I like her whole, ‘bitches ain’t shit’ attitude,” Ryan added.

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Geoff snapped, to get attention back to him. “The point is, that If the rest of the crew is getting friendly, I should too. So, Jack and I are going out to a bar tonight, and we were hoping you’d come along with us.”

Ryan tilted his head to the side in confusion. “Is that an order?”

“You know what, yes. You’re coming out to the bar with Jack and I.” 

“Very well.”

Geoff, Jack and Ryan got their stuff together and went out to a bar called ‘Shenanigans’. They entered the bar and it looked slightly run down, yet still classy. “This used to be a wine bar, but I bought it and turned it into an everything bar.” Then the three of them walked up to the bar and sat down. “I think Michael wants to buy a bar too. He was thinking of calling it, ‘Off Topic”

“Sounds like a silly name for a bar,” Ryan responded.

“Well, half the time when we all have conversations, the topic can never stay on track and always jumps around. The topic we typically end up on is definitely off topic from the original. So, I think the bar name makes sense.” Jack added.

“I guess.”

A bar tender walked over to the group. “Well hello, Sir,” the bar tender greeted Geoff.

“Please. Sir is way to formal. Bossman will work.” Then Geoff paused again, “Actually, you can call me Kingpin.”

Jack smirked, “I don’t think you’re a kingpin, quite yet.”

“No, but with Vagabond here, I know I will be soon.”

“His name is Ryan, Geoff.”

“I heard that Gavin told you my name was Ryan, today. Since you know it now, I suppose I should let you refer to me by it,” Ryan clarified.

Geoff rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“What can I get for you, tonight?” the bar tender finally asked.

“I’ll take a vodka on the rocks,” Geoff replied.

“I’ll take a gin and tonic,” Jack ordered, next.

Everyone turned to Ryan waiting for him to order, but he stayed silent. Geoff looked at him. “Hmm, you look like a whiskey guy.” Then he turned back to the bar tender, “and he’ll have a whiskey on the rocks.”

“Actually, I don’t drink.” Ryan finally answered.

“Seriously?” 

“Your, uh,” he paused realizing the start of his mistake. “I mean, my nephew tried to get me into drinking years ago since it’s kinda his thing. But I never liked it.”

“Well, I’m insulted. You _do_ know who my father is, right.”

“You told me what everyone in the crew is when I first joined.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” Jack interrupted. “He’ll have a coke.”

The bar tender left to try and pour Ryan a coke. He quickly came back. “I’m sorry Ma’am, we’re all out of coke,” the bar tender informed her, sadly.

“Then he’ll take a diet.”

“In a glass with a straw,” Ryan added.

The bar tender quickly left to go make the drinks. 

“Not gonna show us your face even for a drink?” Geoff asked.

“I’m not ready to reveal my true identity” Ryan answered

Geoff rolled his eyes. “So, how was lunch with Ray?” 

“It was… interesting,” Ryan replied.

“What do you mean by that?” Jack asked.

“Well, I’ve never had Mexican food before, for one thing.”

“How have you never had Mexican before? We live in Los Santos. Mexico’s like an hour or so drive south.” Geoff asked.

“I, uh, just never got to it.”

“Is the fact that you’ve never had Mexican food the only thing you have to say about it?” Jack asked.

“Well,” Ryan started. “I wasn’t really that hungry, to begin with. But, Ray made me order something. So, I ordered the simplest thing on the menu, and he held out his fist to me. I put my hand underneath his fist, thinking he as gonna drop money into my hand, but he told me he was trying to give me a ‘fist bump’. I’ve never heard of that before, so when we tried it later, I did the bump too hard and hurt his hand. It was all weird after that.”

“How did you not know what a ‘fist bump’ was?” Geoff asked.

“Look,” then Ryan sighed. “I don’t get out much. I didn’t get out much for anything besides work, and even then, I still didn’t get out much.”

“Right. So, do you not like Ray now, or something?”

“No, no. Ray is fine. The whole thing was a little weird for me though. It was nothing like talking with Gavin, though.”

“How is it, talking with Gavin?” Jack asked, next.

“It’s nice. He’s always asking me these weird hypotheticals that are fun to answer. He shows me how he works his way around a computer. He has shown me around his closet and shown me all his gold to match his cute outfits. He’s cute all around,” Ryan blushed under his mask. “He was the first person to treat me like I was human. I can’t help but love him for that,” he paused and took a deep breath. “I really like him.”

“Oh, my gods. Are you blushing?” Geoff asked.

“I… uh…” 

Geoff reached up to grab Ryan’s mask off to see if he was blushing. His hand went numb as soon as he touched the mask. “GAH!”

“My, uh, cheeks do feel warm.”

“Ryan, do you have a crush on him?” Jack asked.

Ryan turned his head in confusion, again. “Crush?”

“Like, do you want to kiss him and stuff?”

“Yes. Maybe. I think?”

“You better not hurt that boy,” Geoff commanded.

“You’re not supposed to hurt people with that type of crush, right? Plus, I don’t think he reciprocates any romantic feelings I may have. And I wouldn’t make him reciprocate. My niece would have a fit.” 

Geoff sighed. “If your close enough with your family to listen to them, so be it. Take their warnings if you want, sense you obviously didn’t take whatever warnings they had about joining the criminal life.”

“They don’t care if I do that.”

“You do you I guess. Ya know, now would be a really good time for those drinks,” and just as Geoff said that, the groups drinks slid down the bar to them. 

“Speaking of which,” Jack replied as she picked up her gin and tonic and took a sip.

Geoff picked up his drink and took a big gulp of it. Ryan picked up his diet coke, and maneuvered the straw through the hole in his mask and into his mouth. He took a long sip and was delighted by the taste. He thought it was one of the most divine things he had ever tasted. “Oh, my,” he said in response to the taste.

“What?” Geoff asked.

“This is one of the most delicious drinks I have ever tasted.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

“What is this?”

“Fucking, Diet Coke.”

“I really like this.” Ryan happily replied. “Can I only get it here at this bar?”

“No, dear.” Jack answered. “You can get Diet Coke at any grocery or convenient store.”

“I think I’m gonna keep this ‘Diet Coke’ around more.”

Geoff put his head in his hands. “Oh Gods, why did we introduce you to that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's how the Jones baby was conceived, JK it's too soon in this AU for that. Also this one shot series isn't dead. I totally came up with this one as I was going to bed last night. Also, I admit I don't know that much about alcoholic drinks. I'll know more in 3 months when I turn 21. And spoilers: Vagabond's real name isn't Ryan


	8. Bi Bi Bi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan hates the rainbows outside, so Jeremy has to teach him what they mean and what it means to be bisexual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_. PS, this one shot was not intended to be biphobic or homophobic at all.

Ryan stared out the window of the penthouse. He knew he was planning to go out for dinner with Gavin and Meg that night, but he was too disturbed and disgusted by what he saw outside. There were hundreds of people marching outside. They were all dressed in rainbows and dancing down the road. They were blasting load music and throwing rainbow streamers around. He was death, and rainbows are not his thing, and he didn’t like them. 

“Ugh,” he groaned as he stared out.

“Dude, you’ve been staring out the window for quite a bit. What’s the matter?” Jeremy asked from the couch.

“I was supposed to go out for dinner with Gavin and Meg, despite the fact that neither Meg nor I need human food.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“There are too many rainbows out there. I’m the god of death, I prefer darker thing.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrow. “But, you’re bi. I never pictured you to be homophobic.”

Ryan turned to face Jeremy. “By? I’m by the window, yes. And I don’t even know what homophobic means.”

“It means you don’t like gay people,” Jeremy attempted to explain.

“Gay?”

“People who only like romantic relationships with people who are the same gender as them.”

“Oh,” Ryan replied in understanding.

“How do you not know this?”

“Back in ancient times, people didn’t care that much about what genitals other people’s romantic partners had cause it didn’t matter. Only recently, did humans start to care about people with the same genitals were screwing each other.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you’re an old soul.” 

“Right,” Ryan nodded. “But that doesn’t explain what you meant by ‘by.”

“Bi. As in bisexual.”

“And what does that mean?”

“Well,” Jeremy sighed. “Bi means two. And it means you like both guys and girls.”

“Ah,” Ryan replied in understanding. “Mortals are so weird nowadays. Giving these things labels.”

“If it makes you feel any better, Gavin is also bisexual cause he’s dating both you and Meg,” then he motioned to himself. “Hell, I’m Bi.”

“You?” Ryan replied in surprise.

“Yep. I know I date girls most of the time, but Trevor and I are totally platonic fuck buddies.”

“Hey, I heard my name!” Trevor called out from the b-team room.

“I was explaining bisexuality to Ryan and telling him about us,” Jeremy answered back.

“Hey, got something for ya.”

Then Jeremy held out his hand in the direction of the b-team room. After a minute, he closed his hand and opened it back up against his lips. “Thanks for kiss babe, I would have put it in my dick, but Ryan’s right here.”

“You’re naughty,” Trevor jokingly called back.

“Alright, alright. But none of that sexuality talk explains why the road is covered in rainbows,” Ryan brought the conversation back.

“That’s a gay pride parade going on outside.” Jeremy started.

“And the rainbows?”

“Rainbows represent gay pride.”

Ryan tilted his head to the side, confused. “Why exactly do people need to extravagantly show that they are proud that they like people that are the same gender as they are?”

“It’s a modern day thing.” Jeremy shrugged. “Hey, got anywhere to be?”

Ryan rubbed the back of his head. “Well, I was supposed to go out on a date with Gavin and Meg tonight…”

“Well, it’s still the middle of the day,” then Jeremy got up and grabbed Ryan by the wrist. “so, how about I show you what pride is all about?” the he dragged Ryan out the door.

They both went outside. Ryan was still wary of the rainbows, then Jeremy explained to one of the people working the event that they were platonic bisexual friends. After that they were both given pink, purple, and blue shirts and their faces were painted those colors too. The music was loud, and Jeremy convinced Ryan to dance with him.

Hours went by and the sun had set. Ryan finally looked at his watch. “FUCK I’M LATE!” Ryan yelled.

“What?” Jeremy looked up and asked.

“MY DATE!” then Ryan transformed into his puff of black smoke and floated away.

“Is your boyfriend a magician?” someone asked.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Jeremy answered. “Gods, I’m glad nobody cares that the just saw that.” He said to himself.

Meanwhile Ryan had floated outside the restaurant he had been planning on meeting Gavin and Meg at. He quickly transforms back into his humanoid form and runs in. “I’M SORRY I’M LATE! I’M SORRY I’M LATE!” he yells as he runs over to Gavin and Meg’s table.

Gavin gives him a look up and down when he gets there. “It’s… really not like you to be late,” Gavin points out.

Meg does a double take. “And what the fuck are you wearing?” she asks.

Ryan looks back down to see he’s still wearing his bi pride shirt. “Shit, I’m still wearing this,” he comments to himself. Then he sighs. “I was scowling at all the rainbows outside, and Jeremy had to explain what homosexuality and bisexuality were. Then he explained that the rainbows were there for homosexuality pride, and he took me down to the parade and we had a lot of fun.” 

“Uh…” Gavin said in awe.

“And I learned that I’m what modern-day calls bisexual and I should be proud of that. And I AM proud of that! Because I’m madly in love with both of you!” then he quickly begins to make out with Meg. After a moment, he pulls away and pulls Gavin into a make out session. 

After another moment Ryan is tapped on the shoulder. “Sir, you are making some of the other patrons uncomfortable, so we’re going to have to ask you to either sit down or leave,” a waiter informs him.

“What? Can they not handle pride?!” Ryan replied angrily. “I’M BISEXUAL AND PROUD!!! I LIKE GUYS AND GIRLS AND I’M PROUD!” he called out to the restaurant.

Then management started coming out. “Ryan, sit down. You’re making a scene.” Gavin quickly instructed. But Ryan continued to shout his pride. “Meg, can you grab him. We have to get out of here.” Meg nodded and went over to grab Ryan. She grabbed him and dragged him out of the restaurant, following Gavin. Meg sat Ryan down outside, and Gavin glared at him, angrily. “WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!” Gavin yelled.

Ryan sighed. “I’m sorry I ruined date night. It’s just, I got to learn about bisexuality, and that I’m apparently bisexual. And then Jeremy took me down to the pride parade. And even though I still really don’t like rainbows, it was a lot of fun. I learned how to be proud of my apparent sexuality, and I didn’t want anyone to ruin that for me.”

Gavin face palmed. “I’m going to kill Jeremy,” he said to himself. “Look, I’m glad you got to learn about bisexuality. I, personally, have been a proud bisexual my whole life. I just never wanted to cause a scene with it. And you don’t need to either,” he told Ryan.

“I understand. I shouldn’t make a scene over this particular thing.”

“Honestly, I would have expected a got to be considered pansexual.”

“Pansexual?” Ryan asked, curiously.

“Uh…” Gavin said, realizing the flood gate he just opened. “I’ll, uh, explain it to you later.”

“You know, after all this, I still don’t really understand human sexuality,” Meg commented.

“I can explain what I learned to you later,” Ryan offered.

Gavin dropped his head into his hands. “UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” he loudly groaned.


	9. Death Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan joins Meg and two other reapers for a baseball game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Till Death do us Part_ and directly preceeds _God to Goddess_

Ryan got ready for the day in his room at the penthouse. He put on a normal t-shirt and jeans instead of his usual jacket and skull mask. He had turned his hair from his usual black into dirty blonde, and pulled it back into a bun. He had made himself look like a normal civilian so that he could blend in with the reapers he was planning on spending the day with.

He exited his room and walked into the living room. Jack and Gavin were sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Jack looked up from her food first. She tilted her head in surprise at how different Ryan looked. “Who are you and what have you done with Ryan?” she asked.

Ryan smiled and gave a friendly wave. “Hello, my ID says I’m James Vaga. And I’m having a casual day with my employees.”

Gavin looked up next. He gave Ryan an up and down look. “Ryan, you look top!” he cheered. 

“Thank you. But what are you doing here; shouldn’t you be at your apartment?”

“I had to do some programming on my computer here. but you’ll have a good day with Meg and those other two reapers she said you guys were meeting with.”

Ryan nodded. “They’re Mariel and Tyler. Mariel is the normal assigned reaper to Los Santos, and Tyler works on sports related death. Did Meg not tell you that?”

“I think she did. I just couldn’t remember their names for a second, but I’ll remember them now. I also can’t remember what she said you guys are going to be doing today.”

“There is going to be tragedy at the Saints game today.”

“But, you’re not dressed as the Vagabond,” Jack pointed out.

“Who said I’m going to be murdering anyone,” Ryan started. Then he shrugged. “Not all death is caused by murder and I know Mariel and Tyler aren’t into that. So, it’s just waiting the game and reaping some souls. No big deal, really.”

“Well, I hope you have fun.”

“I will,” then Ryan began to head out the door. “Now I gotta go. See you later.”

“TELL MEG I LOVE HER!” Gavin called out as Ryan left.

Ryan met up with Meg, Mariel, and Tyler outside the Los Santos. “It’s good to see you again, boss,” Mariel greeted him first.

“Since when were you formal” Tyler asked, in response.

Mariel rolled her eyes. “Fine, it’s good to see you again, _VAGA_.” 

“He goes by Ryan, here on earth.” Meg corrected.

“Actually, my name for the day is James. You don’t have to call me that, but that’s what the fake ID says.” Ryan showed his fake ID to set the record straight. “But, what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Mica told me the ‘Las Venturas Bandit’s shortstop gets a ball to the face in a pitch gone wrong.” Tyler explained first.

“Ooooh, gruesome,” Ryan giggled.

“And that death causes 4 people to have heart attacks,” Mariel added.

“So, does that mean Tyler gets to reap two souls?”

“You’re the god of death, it would only be appropriate if you reaped two of the heart attacks.” Meg reasoned.

“I think that’s fair,” Tyler agreed.

“Alright. Want to head in then?” Ryan asked. The group started heading in the stadium. Tyler stopped to grab popcorn before the went in to grab their seats. “Why’d you want to grab popcorn?” he asked him.

“I just wanted a snack at the show, you know.”

“But, we’re at a baseball game. Not the movies.”

Mariel shrugged. “We’re going to be reaping some souls. It could be like a free play of tragedy of sorts,” Mariel added.

“More like a death play,” Meg snickered.

Ryan smiled. “Heyo, 'Death Play' it is then.”

“Come on, let’s go watch the start of the game,” Tyler motioned for the group to follow him inside.

The group took their seats. Ryan sat on the end, Meg sat next to him, and Mariel and Tyler followed in suit. Ryan turned to Meg. “Hey, Meg?”

Meg turned to face Ryan. “Yeah?”

“Are you and Gavin okay?”

Meg tilted her head. “Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?”

“Well, when I was leaving the penthouse this morning, I saw him eating breakfast with Jack.”

“He said he had some coding to do. I’m not going to stop him from doing his job.”

Ryan sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.” then Ryan remembered something else. “Besides, he told me to tell you he loves you.” 

“I love him too. But honestly, I’m not sure coding was the only reason he left to go to your penthouse this morning.”

“What are you implying?”

“I think he also wanted to see you.”

“Why would he want to see me?”

“You’re like, his best friend.”

“Michael is his best friend. I’m just the mercenary he’s unable to be afraid of who happens to be immune to his golden touch. Hell, he even kissed me once he learned who I was just so he could finally kiss someone. I’ve always just been a challenge turned friend of convenience,” Ryan sighed. “And that’s all I’ll ever be.”

Meg stared for a moment. “You can’t think like that.”

“It’s true and you know it. I let him date you so at least he could be happy with his love life.”

Meg could not immediately think of a response. Then she thought of something. “Would being in a romantic relationship with Gavin make you really happy?” she asked.

Ryan blushed and smiled. “More than anything.” Then Ryan coughed. “But you’re his girlfriend and I shouldn’t be telling you that.”

“But, you’re also one of my best friends.”

“Thank you.”

“And also, my boss. And employees need to go out of their way to make their bosses happy.”

“Meg…”

“So,” then she stood up. “I will go out of my way to make Gavin realize he likes you, so you can finally have a romantic relationship with him.”

“Meg, I swear he feels no possible romance for me.”

“And I think he does.”

“Guys, shut up about your relationship problems,” Mariel complained.

“Besides, it’s time for the ball to meet the shortstop,” Tyler informed the group. He raised his arm up and directed the ball to pass through the skull. Panic erupted in the stadium. 

Ryan stood up to leave. “What’s up Rye, getting up to go reap the heart attack souls?” Meg asked.

“Actually,” he sighed. “There were supposed to be some other deaths happening in Los Santos today, so,” then he waved his hand over his face, the make-up of the Vagabond appearing on it, “I’m going to go take care of that.” Then he stood up and left. 

“What did you do?” Mariel asked, disappointed.

“I told him I’m determined to get him the love interest he truly desires.”

“Romance isn’t our department. Death is.”

“Don’t care.”

Mariel facepalmed in response. Tyler just shrugged. “I guess I do get to reap two souls today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I am starting my next fic for July, _Madness is Contagious_ either today or Thursday.


	10. The One in the Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What's a god to a non-believer who don't believe in anything_? Not sure. But a non-believer to a god, is a nuisance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_ and _Cheating_  
>  **WARNING: TORTURE** ~~albeit very poorly written since it's been a while since I've done anything like it.~~

It had originally been a good week for Ryan. He had gotten the man of his dreams, as well as one of his best reapers. Life, or well existence, was going pretty well for him. But of course, he still had a non-godly job to do. He was part of a crew, which coincidently happened to be full of demigods, and he had a terrifying mercenary persona to uphold. And it was about time he held up that persona again.

A man named Edgar had been trying to run all of the different types of “Fakes,” down. His effort was successful in disbanding the Fake Creatures. They had been giving Fake Attack trouble, and ran Kinda Fake into San Fierro. When he started to mess with Fakehaus, The Fake AH Crew stepped in saying that they were the only ones allowed to have a messy rivalry of any sorts with them.

The Fake AH Crew had set up a Gala hopping Edgar would get cocky and show up and make a scene. And of course, they were right. Meg was brought in to help Lindsay pull Edgar away from the crowd. Edgar was able to recognize Lindsay and a big scene was made. He shot Lindsay, causing a panic throughout the Gala, but Meg was able to keep Lindsay’s soul working and connected, saying it wasn’t her time yet. 

Jeremy and Michael can in to corner Edgar. He tried to escape, but Jeremy used his past as a fighter to make him back down. Michael as soon as Edgar was in a corner, Michael knocked him out with a bat, saying that that was for shooting his wife. He went in to hit him again, but Jeremy stopped, saying it would have to be Ryan’s kill. 

The tied a knocked-out Edgar up and shot him up with tranquilizers. They carried him into a car and drove him to an interrogation cell while Jack stayed behind to clean up the mess of the Gala. They unloaded a still unconscious Edgar tied him to and sat him up in a chair in an interrogation room. Geoff and Ryan stood outside the room and waited.

Michael and Jeremy finished up and exited the room. “He’s all yours,” Jeremy announced as he waved and dragged Michael away. 

Geoff turned to Ryan. “You know why I called you away from your little boy and you’re doing this today?” he asked.

“It’s okay, Gavin was tired and went to bed. And I know I have to do torture someone again so I don’t go soft,” Ryan answered.

“I mean, I’m really happy you and Gavin are finally dating. Honestly not sure how I feel about you dating the reaper who has been screwing you over, as well,”

“She’s a friend who I don’t mind sharing Gavin with,” Ryan interrupted to explain.

Geoff rolled his eyes in response. “I don’t know how you can be open to a relationship involving her after what she did to you,”

“It was all a big misunderstanding that I brought on myself,” he interrupted to explain, again.

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” Geoff huffed. “The point is that this guy has been screwing with our allies.”

“And as annoying as they can be, it’s still better to have allies.”

“So, we need to take him down.”

“Alright, but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t just kill him on the spot, tonight at the Gala you held. Or do you just want me to practice my torturing again?”

“We think he’s using the likeness of something that’s yours.”

Ryan shrugged. “This guy could just be named Edgar and have a cow fetish. I mean, my little calf doesn’t do anything unless he’s told.”

“Whatever, I just want you to try torture again.”

“So be it. But if the likeness thing is true, I can’t guarantee he’ll make it out of my custody, alive.”

“That’s what I’m counting on.”

Suddenly, Edgar began to wake up. “Hey… HEY!!!! DID YOU COWARDS WANT TO ATTEMPT TO TEACH ME A LESSON OR SOMETHING?!?!” he screamed.

“I guess that’s my cue,” Ryan told Geoff.

“YOU’RE AN AWFUL CREW IN MATURITY AND I WILL MAKE IT OUT OF HERE ALIVE!!!!!” Edgar continued to scream.

“Did you put torture tools in there for me?” he asked Geoff next.

“Yep, you’re all set,” Geoff confirmed.

“GGGGGAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!”” Edgar kept screaming.

Ryan nodded and made his Vagabond mask appear on his head. He saluted Geoff as he entered the torture room. Edgar kept screaming and Ryan walked in. “Gods, you’re loud. If you really think the Fake AH Crew in immature, you should listen to yourself,” he commented, shutting the man up.

“Oh, they sent in the _Vagabond_ ,” Edgar attempted to taunt. “What, is that supposed to do, scare me?”

“If I do, I do. If I don’t, well, it doesn’t change the situation _you’re_ in.” 

“My employees WILL get me out of here!”

“But, they aren’t here at the moment. While we wait for them, why don’t you answer a few questions for me,”’ Ryan suggested.

“What, you think I’m going to tell you why I’ve been messing with every crew with ‘Fake’ in their name?”

“Yes, I suppose that is a good place to start.”

“Well, I’m not going to tell you. You don’t scare me. And are you too stupid to know that you’re supposed to start with a smaller question first? God, how many people have you even tortured before?”

Ryan sighed. “More than you can count.” Then he walked over to the table with tools and grabbed a pair of pliers. “Did you know I just got into a new relationship?” he started.

“Are you too dumb to know you shouldn’t be telling me that?”

“I’ve been thinking about exploring kinks with my girl and boyfriend to keep things interesting in the bedroom,” he continued as he walked over to Edgar.

“And you told me you’re with a boy? Wait till I tell the whole world, the Vagabond is GAY!”

“Did you miss the part where I said girl as well? No matter,” he said as he sat down and began to untie Edgar’s shoes. “Some fetishes have never interested me before. But, I don’t know I don’t like something unless I try it,” he finished as he removed the socks and shoes off of Edgar’s feet, and grabbed his left foot.

“A foot fetish!? That’s stupid and gross!” Edgar chastised. Ryan rolled his eyes and plucked out his pinky toe. “I’ve cut my pinky toenails off when I cut my toenails. This is nothing.” 

Ryan ignored him and moved on to plucking out his bigger toes. “Ow. Owww,” he whined as his toes came out. Finally, Ryan got to his big toes and began pulling it out. “Owww! OOOWWWWWW!!!” he wailed. Ryan finished yanking out the toe. “Fuck. That actually hurts more than I thought,” he heaved.

“Watch your language!” Ryan commanded. Then he dropped Edgar’s bleeding left foot and grabbed his right. “I’m going to ask you again. What is your problem with all of the ‘Fakes’?”

“Fuck… You…,” he breathed heavily. Ryan shrugged and grabbed his right foot. He began to pluck out the toes on that foot. When he got to the right big toe, he started pulling it out slowly. “OWWWW! FUCK, ALRIGHT!”

Ryan stopped pulling and looked up at Edgar. “Yes?”

“Fakes are all fake criminals. Just for show. They need to stop messing around and turning the criminal community into a big joke,” he explained.

“I see. While we try to have fun with the crimes we commit, we are all still, without a doubt, criminals.”

“Whatever. I told you what you wanted. Are you going to let me go now?” Edgar asked.

Ryan got up and went over to set the pliers back on the tool table. “Not quite yet. I wanted to test out a new, moving up the body, torture technique, and I have a few personal questions to ask,” he clarified as he grabbed a scooping knife off the table. “I was wondering if you’ve ever heard of Ed-Gar?” he finally asked as he sat back down on the floor in front of Edgar.

“Of course, I’ve heard the legend, why the hell are you asking me about that?”

“How much do you know about him?”

“Why does that legend, OW!” he was interrupted but Ryan digging the scoop into the side of his knee. He continued to wedge the scoop under the kneecap. “OWWW! He was the three-headed cow of the god of death, Vaga, from ancient legend! Ed-Gar would torture the masses and eat people until a hero or something came to stop him, I don’t know!!!!”

Ryan popped the scoop out the other side and scooped the kneecap out. “That’s preposterous. Ed-Gar only do… did what Ah… Vaga told him too. And Vaga normally wasn’t one to start conflict.”

“Your name is _Vaga_ bond, you would be the one to study the death god.”

“I know Vaga better than anyone alive.” The he moved the scoop onto the other knee. “Are you using Ed-Gar’s likeness?” he asked as he began to dig the scoop into the other knee.

“What do you think?!” Edgar yelped in pain.

“I’m asking,” Ryan began twisting the scoop in deeper, “for a CONFIRMATION,” he continued.

“YES, YOU FUCKING IDIOT, YES!!!” Edgar confirmed. Ryan popped the other kneecap out of leg. “Why is thing so important to you?” he wheezed.

“You’re clearly uneducated on the sweet calf. I told you, Ed-Gar wouldn’t do anything without Vaga’s orders.”

“Sweet calf? What are you even...”

Ryan ignored him and went back to the tabled and grabbed a regular knife and the pliers again. He walked back over to Edgar and turned his chair so that his back was facing him. He grabbed Edgar’s wrists and saw that his fists were balled up. He stabbed through Edgar’s hands, forcing him to open his hands. “Last question. Why did you choose to disparage Ed-Gar’s name by using it?”

“Why does it even matter?” Edgar asked. Ryan rolled his eyes and began to pluck Edgar’s fingernails out. “God, that hurts way more than the toes!”

“I’m waiting,” Ryan prompted as he pulled out another nail. 

“Vaga told people back then that they should fear Ed-Gar!” Edgar argued.

“Vaga told people that because Ed-Gar was their punishment if they did wrong; so, people wouldn’t disparage him or the other gods,” Ryan explained as he plucked out another nail.

“What does any of that matter? It’s not like the gods are real!” Edgar exclaimed.

Ryan finished pulling out another nail, then his eyes widened once What Edgar had said clicked. He immediately dropped the pliers in response. “What?”

“The ancient gods _aren’t_ real!”

Ryan stood up in anger and turned Edgar’s chair around to face him. “The gods are VERY real.”

“God, you really are stupid. They’re just something the ancient people made up. It’s all fake. Just like your credential as a criminal crew is fake.”

“You want proof the gods, especially VAGA, are real?”

“What’s a god to a non-believer who don’t believe in anything?” Edgar sing-songed to taunt again.

Ryan growled and grabbed Edgar by the neck. He turned the both of them into smoke and they dissipated. Ryan brought him to the underworld. Ryan reformed wearing his mask and godly robes. next to Ed-Gar, who mooed happily; he was very happy to see his owner again. Edgar reformed. He was tiny enough to fit in Ryan’s hand. “ **A non-believer is nuisance to a god,** ” Ryan announced, in his booming god voice. 

“What kind of drugs was I given?” Edgar asked, confused.

“ **There were no hallucinatory drugs in those tranquilizers. You were to be sober for your torture.** ”

“Then what is this if I’m not high?”

“ **Your proof that Vaga is real, and the rest of the gods by extension!** ”

Edgar rolled his eyes, “Yeah right. Like hell, I’ll believe the Vagabond actually is Vaga, the god of death.”

“ **Fool**.” Then Ryan turned to face Ed-Gar. “ **Hey buddy, it’s good to see you.** ”

“ **Mmmmmooooo!** ” Ed-Gar replied, happily.

Ryan pet his far-right head. “ **I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long. You want a treat to make up for it a little?** ”

All three of Ed-Gar’s head nodded. “ **MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOO!** ” Ed-Gar excitedly mooed. Ryan put Edgar up to the cow’s center head. Ed-Gar took it, happily and began to munch on his treat. Edgar screamed as Ed-Gar crunched him in his mouth. Ed-Gar swallowed his snack and all three heads smiled.

“ **I gotta go back to the human world.** ” Ryan told the cow. All three heads pouted. “ **I’m sorry, I have people I work with there, I have to go back. But listen, next time I come and visit I’ll bring my girl and boyfriend. My girlfriend is a reaper, so she’s used to the underworld. And my boyfriend is the newest Midas reincarnation. I know it’s not the same, but he’ll be under my protection.”**

 **“Moooo,** ” Ed-Gar mooed.

Ryan gave him a pat on each of his heads. “ **See ya,** ” he gave the cow a quick side hug and poofed away. He reappeared in the torture room. He immediately walked to the door and exited.

Geoff gave Ryan an up and down look. “What was that?”

Ryan clapped his hands together. “Turns out you were right?”

“Alright, but that doesn’t explain where you took him.”

“Also turns out he didn’t believe in the gods.”

“Ooh…”

“So, I decided to pay my pet a visit and, give him a snack.”

“Oh, well at least no need for body disposal,” Geoff joked to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, but I was thinking. Gavin’s probably sad that he can’t get a cat because Meg and I are both basically allergic, do you think Gavin would mind meeting my cow?” Ryan asked.

“You know what, Gavin likes animals. And if your three-headed cow is the best thing you got. I think he’ll like it anyway.”

“Excellent! I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow. I’m gonna head out so I can go cuddle. Good night,” Ryan waved as he left the torture area to go join Gavin and Meg in bed, seeing as Meg would be off from her human job by then.

Geoff yawned and went to lean again the wall of the room. He closed his eyes for a second, then shot them right back open when he realized something. “Did I just give the God of Death relationship advice?” he asked himself.


	11. Read Me as Sober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting Gavin into a car crash, Geoff decides he needs to sober up. Ryan suggests an activity to do instead of drinking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: takes place before _Causing Chaos_ and after _Domestic Demi-Lads_

The day had been an interesting one. Most of the crew were on a weekend break. Michael was with Lindsay caring for their newborn son, Jack was on a date with the cute Australian secretary she was seeing, Jeremy was at a wrestling match and nobody knew what Ryan was doing in his room.

Geoff had had the drunken idea of racing cars off-road down Mt. Chiliad with Gavin. Despite the fact that Gavin didn’t know how to drive, he agreed. They started from the top of the mountain and everything seemed like it was going to be fine at first. After a little bit. It was clear that Gavin was no good at off road driving. He ended up veering into the side of a tree.

Geoff saw that Gavin had crashed and stopped his antics to go rescue him. He pulled him out of the car relatively unscathed. Geoff came to the conclusion that the race was a bad idea. He left the wrecked car on the mountain, and took Gavin home. Most of the car ride was quiet, giving Geoff time to think. As he thought about it. He realized that he came up with a lot of stupid ideas when he was drunk. He wasn’t sure it was always the best idea.

Geoff and Gavin walked back into the penthouse to see Michael holding his baby on the couch. “Sup, guys?” he greeted them.

“How are you and the little prince of the crew?” Gavin asked.

Michael chuckled. “Lucas isn’t the prince, but we’re doing fine. How are you and Geoff?”

“We’re top! I wrecked my car,”

“Of course, you did,” Michael interrupted.

“But Geoff rescued me, so it was okay. That off-road race was quite a rush!”

“That sounds awesome. What did you think about it, Geoff?”

“I.. uh…”

“I’m gonna go make drinks. What would you guys like?” Gavin asked.

“Surprise me,” Michael answered.

Gavin nodded. “And you, Geoff?”

“… Coffee.” Geoff answered after he thought about it.

“Irish coffee?” Gavin asked with a wink.

“Regular coffee.”

“Oh…kay…” Gavin replied, confused. Then he went to the kitchen to start a pot.

Michael gave Geoff a confused look as well. “Are you feeling okay?” he asked Geoff.

“Yeah.” Then he paused again. “I think I want to ask Ryan something.”

“Okay. He’s in his room doing gods knows what.”

“Thanks.” Then Geoff started walking to Ryan’s room.

Geoff got to Ryan’s door and started knocking. “Yo buddy, you in there?” he called in. 

Ryan was sitting on his bed reading a comic book when he heard the knocking. He looked up, “Yes?” he called back.

“I have a question to ask you.”

Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes. “Come in.” Geoff walked in looking disheveled. “Wow, what happened to you?” 

Geoff sighed. “Look, I had a drunken idea to go off-road racing do Mt. Chiliad with Gavin. I don’t know why Gavin agreed to race against me since he can’t drive,”

“I thought you were going to teach him?” Ryan interrupted to ask. 

“No, he still doesn’t want to,” Geoff answered. “Anyway, he ended up crashing.” Ryan opened his mouth to protest, “But I pulled him out and he was unharmed,” Geoff added quickly. 

“Do you have a point to this?”

“Yeah, when driving the two of us home, I thought this was a stupid idea I came up with when I was drunk. I thought about it more and realized I come up with lots of other stupid ideas when I’m drunk. I not sure I really want to drink anymore.”

Ryan raised his eyebrow. “But you’re the demigod of alcohol.”

“I know, I know. But my dad wasn’t drunk when he created the whole ‘Midas’ thing. He loves alcohol, but he’s not normally under its influence when he’s working. I shouldn't let alcohol inhibit me from working and running this crew. I need to be a responsible leader.”

Ryan set his comic down and began to clap. “That’s very noble of you, Geoff.”

“Thanks. But I was wondering, how do you get by with not drinking?”

“Well, I’ve just never liked the stuff,”

“No, I know. But how do you manage to still hold yourself without it? I mean, more so now since your crush has a girlfriend.”

Ryan frowned. “I let Meg stay and date him because she would make him happy. I like getting to help make Gavin happy, so that’s good enough for me.”

“Alright, alright. How do you occupy your time when you’re not working or murdering people, willy-nilly?”

Ryan scoffed. “I don’t murder people, willy-nilly!”

Geoff ignored that statement, “but what else do you do?” he asked again.

“Well, I can talk to the rest of the crew, now that I’m more open with you guys. I play video games with the rest of the crew. And if I want to do something by myself, I read; like I was just doing.”

Geoff stepped back in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, I was reading a comic where a mercenary gets tired of killing people in his story, so he teleports into classic literature to kill the character who inspired the characters in his story.”

Geoff looked intrigued. “Huh, I would have expected you to read more novels and stuff.”

“Eh,” he shrugged. “Would you like me to recommend a novel for you?”

“Actually, sure.” Geoff nodded.

“The crew watches that ‘Game of Thrones’ show together, right?”

Geoff nodded. “Yeah, who doesn’t love dragons and medieval tits?”

“You could try reading the books that that show is based off of,” he suggested.

“But I already watch the show, so I’ll already know the plot of the book,” Geoff complained.

“I know the author works with the makers of the show, but books are always different from the movies.” 

“I guess reading could be a good distraction.”

“Reading is fun and it can feel nice.”

“Do you know if anyone has a copy?”

Ryan nodded and slid off his bed. He walked over to his bookshelf and picked the book off of it. “it’s actually a series called, ‘A Song of Ice and Fire,’ and ‘Game of Thrones’ is only the first one in it.” He told him as he handed him the book.

Geoff took the book and smiled. “Thank you,” he said as he went to leave to go read the book. Ryan waved him off and went back to the comic he was reading.

Geoff went back to his room to read, after a night he finished the book and asked Ryan if he could borrow the next on in the series. If did it again a few nights later. After that, Ryan just stole him a book set of the series and gave it to him. After he finished the whole series so far, he walked up to Ryan carrying ‘A Dance with Dragons’ when everyone was in the living room together. “Thank you for introducing me to the series,” he thanked.

“I’m glad I was able to introduce you to a healthier hobby,” Ryan nodded.

“Geeeeooooofffffffff,” Gavin began to whine. “we haven’t done anything big and fun ever since you stopped drinking and started with this reading nonsense.”

“Reading’s not nonsense. I read and I’ve written a book. It’s popular online,” Jeremy argued.

“I’ll have to read it, but I actually had an idea of sorts,” Geoff announced.

“What would that be?” Michael asked.

“We steal books and money to help donate to libraries to provide more reading material to people in need.”

“I like it, but since when did you become good guy?”

“Well, it could help with the crew’s popularity with the public,” Jack thought out loud.

“At least it will be something to do,” Gavin relented.

Geoff clapped his hands together. “Alright, let’s plan this out!” he called out. He and most of the crew got up to follow Geoff to the meeting room. Ryan smiled as he got up; he was glad he got Geoff to have a greater appreciation for reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever since Geoff came out as sober, I wanted to incorporate it into my AU without changing the AU as a whole. The comic I referred to is "Deadpool Killustrated," and I admit I've never actually read nor watched "'Game of Thrones." But next Friday, I'm gonna start the sequel to _Till Death do us Part._ It's gonna be called, _Causing Chaos._ Also I'm looking for a beta for it, so if anyone's interested, please contact me here, [or on my tumblr](http://rejectedusername-trashfics.tumblr.com/)


	12. Meet the Parent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin introduces his lovers to his mother. But his mother is not a fan of death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_

About two months after Ryan had joined Gavin and Meg’s relationship, Gavin thought it would b a good time to introduce everyone to each other’s parents. Meg had been a reaper for over a thousand years and had no memory of who where parents were during her lifetime nor what happened to their souls. Ryan’s parent was The Titan, the all-powerful being who created the universe. Though, once Ryan and the other gods were created, The Titan had stepped out of the picture. Luckily, Gavin was still in contact with his mother, and he was excited to introduce his lovers to her.

Gavin told Ryan and Meg that they would have to fly over to England to meet her. Ryan told him that he and Meg could just teleport there, and they could just teleport him with them. Gavin shuttered at the idea of turning into reaper smoke and told them that his mother was already going to meet them at the airport in London. Meg agree because she technically could fall asleep if she wanted to. Ryan relented because he could not allow himself to fall asleep for reasons pertaining to his god duties. he shifted into a civilian disguise with short honey blonde hair, and said he would do it with no trace of the Vagabond.

After a ten and a half plane flight from Los Santos to London. Ryan shoved people out of his way to get off the plane. He ran as fast as he could into the terminal and collapsed onto the ground with a loud groan. A few minutes passed and Gavin and Meg entered the terminal. They both crouched around Ryan. Meg began petting Ryan’s hair.

“Daw, poor baby. It’s okay. We landed and you can teleport home when it’s time to leave,” Meg attempted to comfort.

“Sorry everyone, it was his first flight,” Gavin called to the other passengers exiting the plane.

“Wasn’t first flight,” Ryan mumbled into the ground.

“I know that. Never took you as a claustrophobic guy.”

“Not normally stuck in tight spaces I shouldn’t get out of. Did it because I love you.”

“I know you do. And I love you back.” 

“Now come on lover boys, let’s get up and meet Gav’s mother at baggage claim,” Meg prompted. Gavin and Ryan smiled and complied. They knew at least one of the three of them had to keep everything together. 

They walked to their baggage claim carousel. In the people waiting by the carousel they say an older woman with hair and eyes that matched Gavin’s. “Gavin, darling!” the woman called out as she ran up to Gavin and gave him a huge hug, and kiss on the forehead.

“Mum!” Gavin cheered as he graciously accepted the hug.

After a minute, the woman, Gavin’s mum, released the hug and gave Meg a hug. “And you must be Meg. Oh, it is so lovely to finally meet you! You are even more lovely than your pictures show.”

Meg hugged back, “It’s nice to meet you as well, Ms. Free,” 

“Please, you can call me Margret,” he introduced herself as she finished th hug. Then she looked over at Ryan and frowned slightly. “I assume that would make you, the Vag, I mean, Ryan,” she quickly corrected herself.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Ryan greeted as he held out his hand to shake, nervously.

Ms. Free glared at the hand for a moment before forcefully shaking it up and down. “Right then, you ready to grab luggage and take the drive home? Think you can handle an hour and a half on the road after such a long flight?”

“I think we’ll be alright,” Gavin reassured her.

They were able to collect their suitcases and pile into Ms. Free’s car. Meg sat in between Gavin and Ryan in the back. “Alright, so how did you meet my Gavin, Meg?” she asked Meg, first.

“I was working at a coffee shop by Gavin’s apartment. We both grew to have feeling for each other but we didn’t think we’d have the opportunity to act on them. It was actually Ryan who pushed the two of us together. Now we’ve been together over a year,” Meg explained.

“Rrrriiiiiiighhhttttt... and Ryan _joined_ the relationship a few months ago?”

“That is correct,” Ryan confirmed.

“And you’re member of the Fake AH Crew with Gavin, right?”

Ryan’s eyes widened in surprise that Gavin’s mom knew about the crew, “…yes…”

“What do you do in it?”

Ryan didn’t want to reveal that he was the Vagabond. “Uh… cleanup?”

“Right.”

Gavin and his mum continued to chat for most of way. About an hour in, Meg noticed that Ryan was sitting, uncomfortably. “Ryan, honey, what’s wrong?” Meg asked.

Gavin glanced over and noticed at well. “Yeah, love, are you still not doing alright?” 

Ryan motioned for the three of them to lower their heads. “I don’t think your mother likes me,” Ryan whispered as quietly as he could.

“Bah, nonsense! She probably likes you, plenty.”

“What are the three of you kids gossiping about back there?” Ms. Free asked.

“Nothing, Margret,” Meg responded. 

After about twenty more minutes, they arrived at Ms. Free’s home. All four of them entered the home. “Alright, down that hallway we have Gavin’s room and the guest bedroom at the end of the hall. Gav’s bathroom is across from his room and the guest bathroom is right out here. You can set your luggage in your rooms,” Ms. Free announced to the group.

“It’s quite alright mum, but unless you got rid of the king-sized bed I had, I think we’ll be staying in my room,” Gavin explained.

Ms. Free sighed. “Alright then,” she relented as she glared at Ryan. “I’ll go make us some tea, then,” she said a she walked to the kitchen to start making tea.

Ryan sighed heavily. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” Gavin asked.

“I’m seriously not getting good vibes from your mother,” Ryan admitted.

“Don’t be so nervous, Rye, it will all be fine.”

“You can’t let your paranoia get the best of you, honey. Everything will be just fine,” Meg added.

Ten minutes later, the tea was ready. The group all sat down at the dining room table and Ms. Free poured everyone a cup. Gavin took a sip of his and smiled. “Love the tea, mum.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” Ms. Free replied. Ryan mixed some sugar into his tea and took a sip and frowned at the taste. “What, the tea not good enough for you?” she asked Ryan.

“No, no. I just normally have a fruitier tea at home,” Ryan attempted to explain.

“Like, _pomegranate_?” she speculated.

“How did you,” he was cut off by Gavin’s phone going off. 

“Ooh, this must be Dan. I texted him to let him know I was in town with you guys. I can’t wait for you all to meet him. I’ll be right back,” Gavin explained as he got up to take the phone call.

Ryan shifted nervously as Gavin left the room and Meg began rubbing his back to relax him. “it will be okay,” she whispered to comfort him.

“Crew cleanup, _really_?” Ms. Free asked in disbelief.

“I’m sorry?” Ryan asked.

“Cut the shite, _Ryan_ , I know you’re the Vagabond. Are you going to try to kill my son for that bloody cult of Vaga, because you have a death fetish?!”

“What? No!”

“Because, Gavin literally cannot die until he has a kid to pass the Midas gene onto.”

“I’m well aware.”

“That stupid cult is nothing but harm, anyway!”

“Ma’am, he’s not in the cult of Vaga, none of us are,” Meg attempted to explain.

“Well, his obsession with Vaga is absurd. He’s responsible for my husband’s death. I’m not sure I can like you either if you like such an evil god!”

Ryan gulped. He couldn’t tell if she knew his true identity or not, but he definitely knew she didn’t want him there. He quickly stood up. “Ryan,” Meg pleaded in an attempt to coax him back into his seat. Ryan continued to walk away.

“Back, Dan wants to meet up tonight if we,” Gavin started as he walked back into the room. He passed Ryan walking out of the room. “Wait Ryan, where are you going?”

“I’m clearly not wanted here.” Ryan explained, sadly, as he left the room. Meg quickly got up and went after him.

Gavin looked at the door, then back at his mother. “What the bloody toss happened while I was gone?” he asked his mum.

“Is the Vagabond forcing you and Meg to date him?” she asked.

“No, not at all!”

“Then why would the two of you want to date someone who’s obsessed with the god of death!?”

“It’s… a long story…”

“Why would you agree to date someone with a death fetish!?”

Gavin thought about it for a moment. “Actually, I think _I’m_ the one with the death fetish.” Meg rushed back into the room. “How is he?” he asked her.

“He’s really upset. Do you that it would be better if we told her the truth?” she asked him

“Probably,” he replied with a nod.

“What truth? What are you two talking about?” Ms. Free asked.

Meg turned to face Ms. Free. “Vaga was not directly responsible for your husband’s death, you know.”

“What are you,” 

“Vaga’s not evil at all. He’s actually an emotionally soft boy. And he assigned a special grim reaper to be in charge of determining how much time a soul has set on earth. The fate reaper decides the when and how of a soul’s departure. Vaga decides what happens to the soul after it has left the mortal world. A soul can either be sent to a heaven like afterlife, it can be used as sustenance for Vaga, or it can be repurposed and turned into a new grim reaper so Vaga doesn’t have to make more reapers from scratch,” Meg explained.

Ms. Free stared at her, “how did you, how did you know that?”

“Because I’m a recycled-soul reaper. I was originally from around ancient Greece and my name was Megara.”

“Oh yeah, I remember you telling me that.” Gavin remembered.

“But, I thought you were a barista,” Ms. Free commented.

“I do that as part of my job, too,” Meg confirmed.

“Did Ryan summon you here because of his Vaga obsession?”

“He didn’t exactly summon me here.”

“And his connection is something that he should tell you himself because we shouldn’t tell you that truth without his consent. And I know you won’t like his truth,” Gavin added.

“Want me to get him?” Meg asked.

“I think I should,” Gavin replied as he quickly got up to go get Ryan. He went to look for Ryan first in his room, but he wasn’t there. Out of curiosity, he checked the guest bedroom and sure enough, Ryan was laying on the bed, sulking. “Rye, I think you should tell my mum the truth about your identity,” he requested as he rubbed Ryan’s shoulder.

“You sure?” he asked. Gavin nodded to answer. 

“I love my mum, but I also love you and Meg. So yah, I think you should.” Ryan rolled off of the bed and rubbed his face. He followed Gavin out and back into the kitchen.

“So, I’ve been told you have a secret connection with Vaga, God of Death. I’d like to know what it is,” Ms. Free demanded as Gavin and Ryan walked back in.

Gavin bumped shoulders with Ryan, and Ryan sighed. He covered his face with his hands and let his hair turn black and grow back to its natural shoulder length. He uncovered his face to reveal glowing bright, icy blue. “Yeah so, I actually am Vaga,” Ryan admitted.

Ms. Free jumped, startled. “Oh…”

“Mum, he really isn’t evil,” Gavin stated, ready to defend.

Ms. Free looked back up. “While I’m not happy to here that you’re dating the god of death and a grim reaper, but maybe you could at least assure me that he will a long, healthy life.”

Ryan nodded. “I can talk to Mica, I mean Fate, about it. But, I was kinda leaning towards letting Gavin take his fate into his own hands.”

“Daaawww, Ryebread,” Gavin gushed.

Meg leaned over and gave both Ryan and Gavin a kiss on the cheek. “I love it when my two boys get all lovey-dovey,” she commented.

“I’m so happy this didn’t turn out as bad as it could have,” Gavin pointed out as he went to kiss Ryan and Meg. As he kissed the two of them, Ms. Free rolled her eyes. She didn’t know what had gotten into her son, but hopefully it wouldn’t turn out as bad as she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is sorta gonna be a two-parter of sorts, as in you might meet someone else's parents in part two. And I thought I might only have 17 chapters in this. but I keep coming up with ideas for more short stories.


	13. Meet the Parent Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Gavin and Ryan are away, Geoff and Michael rob a gas station. One store patron, a young woman, is apathetic to the whole situation. They assume she's a reaper and take her back to the penthouse for Ryan to deal with when he gets home. But this girl is not what she seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place after _Causing Chaos_ and directly after _Meet the Parent_

While Gavin and Ryan were gone, the rest of the crew still wanted to play. Even though their trip to England was only going to be a week long, the crew still wanted to keep busy. Jack and Jeremy had found other ways to take a break such as Jack visiting with her girlfriend, or Jeremy getting to have casual hangouts with B-team. Geoff was feeling antsy and was itching to cause some crime anyway. 

With Ryan away, Geoff felt that he could rob another Limited LTD Gas station. It was small enough that he wouldn’t need Gavin or B-team tot back him up. Michael asked to join him on this small robbery, saying that his son, Lucas, was almost one and that he needed to stay in the game whenever he could.

Geoff and Michael drove to Mirror Drive without much of a plan and headed into the store. “HANDS UP!” Geoff yelled pulling out his gun. Michael followed behind, firing a few shots. Store patrons began screaming in fear and Michael began to shoot at them in response. Geoff ran up to the cashier. “Give me all the money!” he demanded. The cashier nervously opened the register and began pulling money out.

Michael began shuffling around the store to see if he could get any money off of anyone else in the store. He was pulling money off of a corpse when he heard someone yell, “Holy shit, I think that worked!” He turned and walked to where he heard the voice coming from and saw a young girl with white hair, who couldn’t be older than twenty-three, open and shut the bathroom door.

“Hey, kid,” he called out to get the girl’s attention.

The girl didn’t turn to acknowledge him. “Mama’s treating herself to a Mountain Dew in celebration,” she said to herself, ignoring Michael.

“Hey! Kid!” Michael called out again. The girl continued to ignore him and walked over to the sodas. He ran over to the girl and grabbed her shoulder. “HEY! KID!” he screamed and he ran over to the girl and grabbed her shoulder.

The girl looked up at him casually. “Can I help you?” she asked.

“Why the fuck didn’t you respond when I was calling you?” he asked.

“Were you referring to me when you were calling out, ‘kid’? Because, I’m older than your parents,” then she gave Michael a look, up and down, “by the way, that’s a nice Mi-Mogar cosplay you got there.” she complimented while inferring that she knew Michael’s identity. Michael couldn’t take the absurdity anymore and began firing at the girl. The bullet went through the girl, but she continued to stand there as if nothing was happening. “Ooh, and a gun prop with smoke and sound effects. Nice touch,” 

“GGGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” Michael screamed.

“What’s up?” Geoff asked as he rounded the corner carrying a sack full of cash.

“THIS BITCH WON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY AND DIE!” Michael screamed.

Thee girl looked up at Geoff. “Kingpin’s here too?” she asked. Then she felt soda spraying out from the broken glass behind her, confirming that Mogar actually was shooting at her. “The Fake AH Crew actually is here. That’s awfully convenient and I shouldn’t really be surprised.”

Geoff pointed his gun at the girl. “What exactly do you want with the Fakes?” he asked.

“I’d like you to take me so I could meet Vaga… bond,” she explained, implying that she knew the Vagabond’s true identity a well. Geoff didn’t like the sound of it. Then he scurried over to the girl and tried to ram her into the coolers. He was very surprised when his hand slammed into the cooler door. He looked up and realized his hand was going through the girl’s chest, like she was intangible. “Your hand’s going through my chest, scandalous,” she joked. “In all seriousness though, I’m physically incapable of being harmed. You can imprison anyway, if you so desire. I’ll be captured, willingly.”

“Throw her in the back of the car when we leave,” Geoff groaned as he finished everything up with the robbery. Michael nodded and gave the money he collected to Geoff and threw the girl over his shoulder. They rushed back out to the car and threw the girl in the trunk. 

They drove back to the penthouse. Michael carried the girl to one of the interrogation rooms. Geoff noticed Jack sitting on the couch in the living room. “Hey Jack, how was your date?” he asked.

Jack looked up at him. “It was fine, Caiti’s doing great. How was the robbery? I see you took a hostage,” she questioned back.

“Yeah. Strange character, this one is. Speaking of which, are Gav and Rye coming back today, and where do we keep the reaper cuffs?”

“Yes, the two of them are coming back today and the cuffs are in Ryan’s room,” she answered. “But do you really think it’s a good idea to make Ryan do an interrogation the day he gets back?”

Geoff sighed, “look, I’m pretty sure we have a rogue reaper on our hands, and we’re gonna need the God of Death to take care of it. Now if you excuse me, I gotta go contain this chick before she stops the whole, ‘compliance act’, and starts causing serious trouble,” Geoff finished before he walked off.

He used the special reaper cuffs to cuff the girl to the chair, then he called Ryan and told him that they needed him for an interrogation at the penthouse. Within the hour, he and Gavin entered the penthouse.

“Again, I’m really sorry about how my mother treated you,” Gavin apologized to Ryan as the two of them walked in.

Ryan walked in behind him and sighed. “I told you, I’m not mad about it. I don’t know why your mother was so keen on misinforming herself, but I promise I’m not mad.”

“Ryan, glad you’re here. How was meeting Gav’s mom?” Geoff greeted as he walked over to Ryan.

“Turns out, she hates Vaga.”

“Ouch. Well, maybe disciplining one of your reapers will make you feel better.”

“I suppose we can hope.”

“Great. Now come with me,” Geoff directed.

Ryan looked at Gavin before he was ready to follow Geoff. “Don’t worry, love. I can catch up with Michael while you go do your job,” Gavin reassured him. Ryan nodded and went to follow Geoff. 

When Ryan caught up to him, Geoff spoke again. “Look, this reaper is a bit odd and she wanted to meet you for some reason. I don’t know what her deal is, but I can assume she’s some sort of trouble maker.”

“Discipline the reaper, got it,” Ryan replied in understanding.

The got to the holding room and Ryan grabbed the door handle. “I’m gonna go back to the living room while you handle this, if that’s okay.” Geoff told him.

Ryan nodded and proceeded into the room. He saw a young-looking girl whom he didn’t recognize cuffed to a chair at a table in the center of the room. “Finally, the man I’ve wanted to meet! How are you darling?” the girl asked. Ryan stared at her, confused. “Look,” the girl started, “I completely understand if you resent me for not being around. I never thought I actually could come to this world. It took me too damn long to get my head out of my ass and remember that I can actually do whatever the fuck I wanted. And I’m sorry I was never around. I’d like to make up for lost time.”

He continued to stare at the girl in confusion, _‘I don’t recognize this reaper. I swear, if my council started creating new reapers without my permission,’_ he started to think to himself.

“Oh, don’t worry, darling,” the girl interrupted his train of thought. “Your council didn’t disobey you and create a new reaper without your permission. You don’t recognize me as a reaper because,” she paused to lean back in her chair, put her legs up on the table, and rest her hands behind her head, letting the reaper cuffs fall to the floor, “I’m not one. Though I gotta say, it was pretty nice that your crew put me in reaper cuffs. They really know how to make a woman feel special.”

He now stared at this girl in shock, “how could you read my thoughts?” he asked.

“Comes with the territory.”

“Who… what are you?” he asked. 

“You know who I am,” she assured him, with confidence.

He immediately tried to think of who this person could be. She didn’t seem like she could be much of a muse or Amazonian. Then his mind jumped to the most impossible answer to his question, but it surely couldn’t be right. “You’re… Mewdas, the Titan who created the universe,” he guessed, unsure of himself.

The girl smiled, “I’m so happy to finally meet one of my children,” she replied to confirm of his guess.

Ryan continued to stare in shock, then he smiled, “It’s nice to meet you, dad. Though. I don’t completely understand why you came in a female form.”

Mewdas’s smile dropped and she groaned, “Ugh, why did Fulcrus have to fill this world with all that patriarchal bullshit.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m not a man. Never have been, never will be.”

“My apologizes, _mom_ ,” he corrected himself.

“It’s okay. I’m just happy to see you. Would it be to forward to request a hug?” she asked.

“No, it would not be a problem,” Ryan told her. She quickly got out of her chair and the two of them met for a tender embrace.

Once they finished their hug, the two of them stepped back. “So, why haven’t you come to visit earth before?”

Mewdas sighed. “In all honesty, when I created this universe and planet, I created it for you and your siblings to do with it as you pleased. And even though I’m not a fan of everything that has been going on in this world, especially right now, I promised myself that this was your world to play with and I wouldn’t mess with it,” she answered, honestly.

Ryan understood and nodded. “Have you visited Fulcrus and Tuvagos yet?” he asked.

Mewdas shook her head, “nope, not yet.”

Ryan raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, why did you choose to visit me first, if you don’t mind me asking.”

Mewdas smirked, “Well this may be my mothering instincts kicking in, but I wanted to meet with you so I could also meet your lovers. They are very good people for you as far as I’m concerned.”

Ryan was very surprised by this. “I’m surprised you chose me first if that’s your reasoning. Because Fulcrus,”

“I am well aware Fulcrus gets around. Even with your sister, which I find very questionable. And Tuvagos hasn’t picked a lover and settled down. But you picked two. I think they’re adorable and would love to meet them.”

“You do know that Fulcrus did convince Tuvagos and I to copulate and have children with a human before, right?”

“I do know,” she assured him. “And I’ve sent agents to meet and befriend the children of the two of you. None of that changes the fact that I’d like to be a better mother to you and your siblings, and meet your lovers.”

Ryan sighed and smiled. “I think I could still appreciate that. I don’t resent and I’m very happy I finally got to meet you. You’re actually quite lovely.”

“Daw, thank you. By the way, I’m also aware that you call yourself ‘Ryan’ while you’re here on earth, so I could refer to you as that if you’d prefer.” Mewdas smiled fondly and offered.

“That would actually mean a lot to me. And Meg’s not here at the penthouse, but would you like to meet Gavin?”

“I would absolutely love to.”

“And since you are my mother, would you be apposed to holding my hand as we leave the room?” he asked her.

Mewdas placed her hand into Ryan’s, “I wouldn’t be happier.”

The two of the walked out into the living room. Geoff saw the two of them walking out together. “What the hell...?” Geoff asked himself.

Mewdas nodded to Ryan and let go on his hand. He gave her a thumb up as she walked over to Michael, Jeremy, who had come back to the penthouse, and Gavin sitting on the couch. “Hello, you must be Gavin. I’ve learned so much about you and have been looking forward to finally getting to meet you,” She held her hand out as she greeted Gavin. Gavin stared at her, confused.

“RYAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!” Geoff demanded. Everyone paused what they were doing to look at Geoff. “YOU DO REALIZE THIS APATHETIC BROAD WAS BEING ANNOYING AT OR ROBBERY, RIGHT? OR DO YOU JUST HAVE A STUPID SOFT SPOT FOR ALL YOUR GODSDAMN REAPERS WHO CAUSE ME TROUBLE?!”

Mewdas turned to face Geoff, “oh darling, I’m not a reaper.”

Ryan’s eyebrows furrowed as he also turned to face Geoff, “and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t speak so ill of my mother.”

“Your mother!?” Michael yelped in surprise.

Jack began shaking and pointing, “You’re Mewdas? Creator of the universe? Grand Titan?”

“Yep,” Mewdas replied, casually. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Jeremy commented in surprise.

“You all could call me that or Grandma or Great-Grandma. Actually, don’t call those, because those would make me feel old,” she continued.

“But, you _are_ old,” Michael pointed out.

“Meh, details.”

“Michael,” Ryan warned.

“Calm down, sweetheart. I’m willing to admit that there absolutely is truth to that statement.” 

“Fine,” Ryan grumbled.

“Good boy. And I think I’d prefer it is you guys would just call me Mewdas.”

“I’m sorry I was a dick,” Geoff quickly apologized.

“It’s quite alright, Geoff. I didn’t come out here to scold you.” Geoff blinked in surprise that she already knew his name, but then he remembered who she was and he should have expected that.

“Then what exactly did you come here for?” Gavin asked, nervously.

“To meet you and Meg, darling. Meg happens to be a fine grim reaper and you’re latest reincarnation of king Midas, but more importantly, you two are my son’s lovers. I’m so happy to get to meet you,” she happily explained.

Gavin shifted nervously in his seat. He had already seen how poorly his own mother had reacted to Ryan and Meg’s associations with the God of Death, he really didn’t want to end up pissing off the being who created the universe. Ryan saw how nervous Gavin was and leaned into him. “Don’t worry, love, she already adores you,” he assured him.

“Secrets, secrets are no fun, unless you share with everyone,” she teased. 

“He was telling me I had nothing to worry about,” Gavin answered as he stood up. He offered his hand out to Mewdas, “I’m Gavin, but I suppose you already knew that.”

“Oh, come here,” Mewdas said as she grabbed Gavin’s hand and pulled him into a big hug. Gavin’s eyes widened in surprise, then he graciously hugged her back. 

“This is actually, really cool,” Jeremy noted in response to the situation he was witnessing. 

Ryan smiled approvingly, Jack and Jeremy smiled as well in response to getting to see the creator of the universe. Geoff and Michael were confused but were happy they didn’t actually piss Mewdas off. Ryan couldn’t wait till he introduced Meg to his mother, next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry about this OC. And you will get to meet Ryan's daughter, who's not an OC, eventually.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm addicted to writing for this AU. You'll get to learn more about the AU with these short stories. I don't know how often I'll update this. I'll probably update whenever I have an idea.


End file.
